Insert Death Scene Here
by Devinouse
Summary: I was gonna die one day, I know. I was royally fucked when I spotted that killer, I KNOW, I'm not stupid! But the fact that I was gonna get reincarnated into the worst manga to be reincarnated to? As a GIRL? Who the hell did I piss off in my past life to get THIS? ...*Sigh*, whatever, as they say : Better go with the flow.
1. Chapter 1

**HOLD UP! Before you guys or girls read this, this is my first fanfic, so easy on the insults, please, but constructive criticism would be nice. Also, let it be known that this is a self insert OC fanfic. If this is not your type of fanfic then turn left and go away…or read it and fall in love with it…your choice. **

**This fanfic has been partially Beta read by: Aisha21, so you might see some resemblance with how she writes fanfics. She only Beta'd the part until my OC got reincarnated cause it, quote "Hurt her head just seeing it"...yeah...we love each other a lot...**

**Disclaimer: I do not deserve to own SnK/AoT. I only own my OCs which I love**

**Devin: To people reading her fanfics, I am not responsible for holding her fanfic writing progress. **

**Aisha:To that person who wrote the above...you are sooo responsible**

* * *

"_If I knew what was going to happen in the future, I would've taken precautions,"_

"_Even if there was little that I could do about it,"_

"_But it's no use…no one knows what was going to happen in the future,"_

"_Which is why accidents occur,"_

"_**Which is why 'Fate' exists."**_

* * *

"_Stupid cliff-hangers."_ I snarled mentally as I watched the ending credits of the final episode.

Gah, _Attack on Titan_ was _sooo_ good. Why did it have to end in a cliff-hanger? I mean, it could've ended better than waiting for a season two! And here I am, alone in the house today without _anything _to do, since _Mama_ and _Papa_ were visiting some relative I didn't know, I didn't bother asking either, since we have so many. One of my sisters was at work far from our house and the other was at college. As for my guardian, she visiting her parents in another province…or something…I'm not really sure, okay? I don't look into those kinds of things. I was at least allowed to leave the house in my own accord, which used to be a big _no-no_ when I was younger (well…younger than I already am). I don't feel like studying either, 'cause hey, it's a Saturday, I do not study on a Saturday.

After a few minutes of browsing the internet, I got a bit claustrophobic and decided to leave the house for a bit. Taking my jacket from the hanger and locking the gate before I headed out.

My neighborhood wasn't the cleanest in the world, I knew that that the moment smoke threatened to suffocate my lungs, but I guess you could expect that from a third-world country, the air was filled with car honking, black smoke, and the occasional curse by a drunkard at the local bar. I mean, I even stepped on dog shit on the way to the restaurant, _dog shit! _I had to scrape it of by the sidewalk before I entered the restaurant and ordered a nice hot fudge sundae. Only for the waiter (Probably new to the job) to accidentally spill it on my jacket

Yuck, I do _not_ need this today.

I'm a pretty considerate guy though, so I let the waiter off the hook after they gave me back my money (I kinda lost my appetite after seeing my favorite jacket get smothered in ice-cream) and helped remove most of it off my jacket, though I had to wrap it around my waist instead so that people wouldn't stare at the _way too obvious _stain. And as if my day wasn't bad enough, I apparently hadn't learned my lesson in dodging dog shit since I accidentally stepped on another one after I got shoved by some random hobo.

Gaah, my life in a nutshell, could this day get any worse?

_If only I stayed at the house…_

I walked back to my house, planning for a nice relaxing bath then a few hours in the internet when I noticed something that stopped my train of thought completely, leaving behind a single question to echo in my mind…

"_Why is…the gate open…?"_

Didn't I lock it..?

Remembering the talk about how there was a thief in the neighborhood and how the thief murdered one of our neighbors during a heist, my blood ran cold

Shit, _please_ don't tell me there's a robber in the house. _Pleaseplease__**please!**_I mean, what are the chances?! Gah, I do not need this today. What did Mama say about thieves again? Right, call the police…but what if it's just a false alarm? Maybe I just forgot to close it…yeah, yeah that could be it. I don't remember locking it, so maybe some strong wind blew it, no need to raise the alarm, right…? Gah! The one time, _one time_, I forgot to bring my phone!

Steeling myself, I entered the house as quietly as possible, keeping the gate open just in case…

_If only I called the police…_

I breathed a bit when I saw the unlocked door, fuck, its real isn't it? There's someone in the house, I looked at my watch _5:30pm _my older sister should be back from college in a few minutes, maybe she was early and left a door open? That wasn't the first time that happened, although it was the eldest that did it. It's _soo _a scary thief that could stab you multiple times at the back if you're caught and shoot you with a gun to finish you of-

_FUCK I'M GONNA __**DIE**_

My conscious vertebrate in my skull, I dismissed it as fast as I can

"_lalala~ happy thoughts, lalala~" _I chant repeatedly in my head as I make my way through the entrance of our house, but I had a gut feeling that someone is in the house, I just didn't know whether it was a friend or foe…

Please be friend. Please be friend. Please be friend!

Devin, Get your facts straight! You just went to church on Friday, what could possibly go wro-

I am _soo_ not finishing that sentence in fear of _Murphy's Law_.

I made my way to my sisters' room, which is where I usually go to when I'm bored of in need of recuperation, holding back a whimper from the silently tense air that screamed to choke me. I knew a bit of Taekwondo from my school club, and mediocre Chinese Karate or whatever fighting style _Ling Xiayou _used in Tekken, but I was never the prodigy. Still, I wanted to think I could at least knock someone out if necessary.

Just when I felt my nerves loosen from not hearing anything suspicious, I heard a loud bang in my sisters' room. I let out a whimper and the occasional curse word that I could get away with before peeking in.

_If only I had ran when I had the chance…_

I opened the door slightly and I saw a man, placing the presumably fallen electric fan back to its place near the giant mirror, wearing all black clothes, probably in his mid-thirties, and he looked at me.

He _saw _me

For a second, he was staring at me with his dark brown, apathetic eyes. I panicked and slammed the door rushing to my parent's room. when I arrived at my destination, It didn't cross my mind to lock the door, I was too panicky to even _think_ straight and it pained me to remember I could've just left the house _I am such an IDIOT _

_If only…_

All logic was thrown out the window, but I _did_ remember that my dad had a gun from when he was still working for the Air Force and that I accidentally found it one day while I was bored out of my mind, I got it out of its hiding place in his closet and aimed at the door.

And…as if on cue…the door creaked open slowly and the first thing I saw was-

_OH MY FUCKING GOD, HE HAS A BUTCHER'S KNIFE!_

My eyes widened at the fact he is going to kill me with a knife, I am so SCREWED! He saw me shaking and went to me with caution and on impulse I closed my eyes and pulled the trigger.

_*click*_

…_what?_

_*click*_

_No…nononononoNoNoNONONONONOGODNO PLEASE DON'T LET THIS BE TRUE_

_THERE'S NO __**AMMO**_

_If only…_

…_Ha…._

…_Haha…_

_HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

_I. AM. __**DEAD**_

_In that one moment, I lost all my sanity, all my logic and started laughing my head-off as tears started rolling down my eyes. _

_Why is this happening…? Why did this happen…? I don't understand. Did I do something wrong? Did I piss off some almighty above so much that they thought it was alright to get rid of me? What will happen now?_

_What will happen now?_

…_If only…_

_**If only I hadn't died**_

And in one swing, my last thought echoed

"_I don't want to die,"_

* * *

They say that when you die, you were sent to judgment, and that your actions in life are the things that decide whether you were worthy for eternal pleasure of eternal pain. They say that those who died with regret of those with lingering attachments turn into ghosts or spirits because they could let go and face judgment.

But what of those who had yet to truly live life?

What happens to them?

…What happens to me…?

* * *

Death was emptiness

Death was neither painful nor pleasurable, it simple _is. _There is neither a grand entrance nor a hole to hell, there were no angels nor were there demons. Death was a neutral being that waited for no one, but took everyone. Some may reject it, some may waste their entire lives finding a way to keep it at harm's way, but death was the equalizer of life. It cared not for the traits of the worthy or the damned. It cared not for the sins of killers or the heroics of knights. It only cared that things died.

And in death…was emptiness…suffocating emptiness

I gasped, only to find I had no lungs. I screamed, only to find I had no throat, I struggled in the never ending darkness, only to find I had no limbs to move. I opened my eyes to see nothing; I perked my ears to hear nothing; I focused of finding something-_anything, _only to find nothing

It's as if _I_ to…was nothing at all…

"_**You have met a terrible fate haven't you?"**_

…_huh? _

At that moment, words began to form in my head, as if reading the words being spoken to me. Only, for some odd reason, I couldn't identify the voice at all. I couldn't tell whether it was near or far, old or young, man or woman…it was just…_there_

"_**So young, how you must've cursed yourself to be to utterly powerless,"**_

"_**You can still be reborn into anew, would you want that?"**_

Reborn…anew…?

Is that…possible…?

"_**The choice is yours,"**_

"_**Shall you falter on the choice to live?"**_

"_**Or will you choose to end this cycle of pain?"**_

"_**Or will you save another child like you, who did not have a chance to see the world?"**_

What…is this voice talking about..? A choice? What choice? I'm…I'm dead…aren't I…!? The dead don't just…live again as a new person, right? That just… that just doesn't happen! And what does it mean by _'saving another child'_?! I don't understand!

I don't understand at all!

Please…someone…just what is happening…?!

"_**There is more to life than awaiting your death,"**_

"_**Yet, like many others, that is exactly what you have done,"**_

_What…are you talking about…?_ The question yearned to leave my lips, yet no words formed in my throat

"_**Life is wasted on you,"**_

"_**You were but another parasite in the world, living your life recklessly, ignoring the true beauty of the gift of life,"**_

"_**A gift that many would yearn for,"**_

"_**Yet…you are not deserving of punishment, for you were but a stray lamb that never learned to follow his shepherd,"**_

"_**That is why you will be given the choice for a second chance,"**_

A second…chance…? Does it me that I'll go through…

Reincarnation..?

"_**No soul enters the same world twice; no life is given proof that there is life after death,"**_

"_**As such, should you accept, you will live in a world not your own,"**_

"_**Never will you have the chance to meet your love ones again,"**_

"_**Knowing this, do you still wish for your second life?"**_

A world not my own huh…? Well there goes my chance to scare the shit out of my sisters, hahaha…

Damn, am I really joking around at a time like this?! _Sigh_, I never change…

But still…reincarnation...huh, it sounds like some plot line from the kind of stories me and my sister reads in the internet. But they should have been just that, stories, nothing else. And yet…here I am, being given the same opportunity that was the blessing or bane of people from stories. The chance to live again…

I don't even _want_ to know the other option; my answer is obvious to me, I don't need a long, ramble like monologue just to say-

"_Of course," _

And the world turned white

* * *

"_**Do Not Regret Your Choice,"**_

* * *

What…happened?

I groaned inwardly as sensations quickly started to fill my once empty body, which wasn't a pleasant feeling, mind you. I was in pitch black silence just a few seconds and all, now, for the first time in a long while, I heard the sounds of, horses, screaming and…curses? Not just any old curses either, Gibberish curses. My frown only deepened when that horrid sensation of my heart almost forgetting I'm alive and slows down my heart rate only for my brain to remind it that I'm alive wouldn't leave my body.

Hah, no wonder babies cry often.

I opened my eye, relieved that my eyesight was still normal instead of a baby's developing eyesight, and saw a man. Well…to be more precise, I saw the man's neck and chest above me. I couldn't make his face out because it was either I was short or his neck was really long. From what I could tell, I was in his lap, strapped in by a belt and on a horse. I felt large tremors approaching nearer and nearer when I heard a gunshot and I saw green smoke up in his head, like a flare gun but green.

Wait…Horses? What kind of world am I in to still use horses as a main transportation? Let alone use it to, obviously, run from battle?

After what seemed like a few hours of horse-back riding on a man's lap I saw a big wall on the horizon, followed by screams, crunches and the slicing of flesh, It made me shiver, the sound was so different from what your hear in gore movies, not that I ever completed one. I guess the man felt it and looked at me in a surprise and said something weird

Huh, kinda sounded like German…nah. I was told I would be reborn in another world, not another continent.

Dismissing my doubts, I looked at the face of the man I was strapped onto. He had a rectangular face, with blonde hair and blue eyes, what got me, however, was the fact that he had really bushy eyebrows. Huh, Almost like Commander Erwin from Attack on Titan, I've seen enough good cosplayers to have a vague idea on how he would look like in real life…

Huh, now that I think of it…his clothing looks a lot like…

All of the sudden, the horse stopped and I was thrown out of my sea of thought. It seems we've reached a big wall. I couldn't see much with my height, but I was able to discern the picture of a gray lady's fa-

..?

…

…Maria…?

…

_MARIA?!_

W-What the-!? W-Who the- !? W-Why the-!? _**MARIA?!**_

_Why the hell is __**MARIA**__ in front of me?!_

…

…_no…_

_No_

_NononononononononononononononoooooOOOOOOO!_

_Please tell me I'm hallucinating, that can't…that can't be wall Maria!_

_GOD! Don't tell me! Am I strapped on THE COMMANDER ERWIN?!_ I looked up at the man again, I wish I hadn't, it only supported this horrible thought I had.

Fuck, it _is_ him!

Gaah, when I said yes to reincarnation, I wasn't expecting…_this_

How am I supposed to live my life fully if I freakin' _die _before I get the chance?!

Being the baby I am (physically and mentally) I let out a long, ear piercing cry. The man who looked like Erwin looked down at me with distaste and confusion in his eyes on how to take care of a reborn baby who is going to _die in five years **tops**_! God fucking dammit! How is this fucking _possible_?! I haven't even experienced the horrors of _puberty_ yet and now I'm in this damned world! Just who the hell did I piss off up above to force me to go _here _of all places!?

Dammit! I take it back! I regret my choice! **_I don't want to die a second time!_**

_"Hey, Hey, C'mon, stop crying lil' bro. You're the man of the house, remember?"_

I miss my sisters already...

_"Are you crying again? You haven't lost anything Dev, you don't need to cry,"_

My sisters...

I stopped crying and closed my eyes, my older sisters would probably laugh at me for being such a crybaby; I've got to calm down! When I did the horse slowed down a bit, moving in an oddly comfortable throttle. I took notice of this and opened my eyes to see a lot of people speaking German. I looked at him and saw Erwin's solemn face, cold, hard and apathetic.

After a while, we stopped at noisy building. I knew it was noisy 'cause it woke me up from my little cat-nap. I heard shouting of noisy bystanders and high-pitched screaming and even more high-pitched laughter, I twitched, god it's loud.

_Was i like this when i was their age?_

He lifted me from the horse and proceeded to a hard, wooden door and knocked three times. After what seemed like a few minutes or so, the door finally opened revealing a young lady's sleepy face. She looked like she had just gotten up from bed with how she stiffed a yawn with a choke when she saw who was on the door, or at least, who it was carrying. I stiffed a giggle.

_And here I thought people are supposed to look presentable when opening the door to strangers._

Amused me is amused.

She let Erwin in the building and let him sit down in a nearby wooden chair in what appeared to be a living room, still carrying me. After much German talking and waving of hands gesturing a "no" from the lady, Erwin convinced her on whatever he was convincing her to do. He gave me to the woman, and with a bow, left the building.

_...i just got dumped here...didn't I?_

I looked up at her and saw her staring blankly to the door where Erwin left, looking the slightest bit irritated before sighing. She looked down at me for a few seconds before she making this expression that looked like realization. She put me down gently on the wooden chair and went out of the door running shouting Commander Bushy-Brows' name.

_Hm? Whatever..._

While she was gone, I thought back to what happened just a few moments ago.

Aside from the fact that i was reborn into the worst kind of world possible-

_(*Sobs* I might as well right my will while I'm at it)_

The 'me' in this world seemed to have been born outside of the walls, which is rare. Given the fact that i highly doubt my parents in this world would just let a guy like Erwin hold a baby, they might as well be dead. So I'm guessing this place is an orphanage...

...Ugh, I'm in an orphanage, as a baby. This is so surreal...

I yawned, hearing the door open and close behind me. I turned my baby head _(Agh! I have to get used to this, don't I?! Fuck!) _Towards the door only to find the woman, probably the caretaker of this orphanage, coming towards me.

_Oh, the lady is back on her jog or whatever_. I thought sleepily just before she picked me up and bounced me up and down gently

_Dammit, stop that. I'm not a baby- wait, I'm a baby now, fuck. But still, stop that I'm sleepy. Don't you know I just died and got reborn into some crazy apocalyptic land recently? No? Fuck you. But yeah, it takes a lot out of a person, like their physical body. _

The woman kept bouncing me gently

_lady, I swear, one day I'm gonna barf on your face. If you stop maybe I won't._ I thought grudgingly, I am not liking this one bit. After a lot of unknown words she said something that was not German, it was _Hisako_, she repeated it and laughed. It was Japanese.

And my Mom said nothing good will come to playing JRPG video games.

...Wait...Japanese...? Why would I have a Japanese name?

...Unless..._I'm_...Japanese...Me?

Wait, they call them Orientals here, right? ...so...I'm an...Oriental...

Okay.

Sounds too female for my taste but, hey at least it's still Asian, and I was Asian in my past life too, and since it's Asian, that means I'm what they call an Oriental, sweet.

_Still doesn't change the fact that I'm gonna die though..._

* * *

After three long years (Three long years of getting used to life, having tantrums about life, and occasionally screaming to the heavens about_ why the fuck? Of all the fucking worlds I could have gotten into, why the one with the highest Death rate?! couldn't I have been reborn somewhere like, i don't know, Naruto?! at least they have television!) _I got accustomed to life in the orphanage, which was the building where Erwin dumped me in, that bitch (Wait no, I love Erwin, he's too much of an awesome bad ass to have such a degrading insult). After I did my chores in the orphanage, I heard a knock on the door.

"Hisa, open the door, I'm busy cooking lunch!" A voice that I could now connect to the caretaker of the house Miss Mary, said from the kitchen.

"Can't Amanda do it?" I said, yeah…even in my new life, I'm the same old lazy bastard I was. Currently, I was cleaning my dog whistle with a napkin. These things really could let the dogs out, ya know? It doesn't help that the Orphanage itself is smack middle of the town, meaning all the dogs could come withing minutes. It's helpful for when there's some people you want to scare off.

I stole it from some random dude, through Miss Mary clearly knew where I got it from and said nothing about it.

Well...almost nothing...

"Amanda's cleaning the bathroom."

"How about Tony?"

"Tony's helping me."

"Well, how 'bout-"

"Hisa! If you don't open the door, you have no dinner!" Miss Mary barked, and Tony, the guy who was helping her, began to laugh. Ah, that innocent little Tony, you can't just hate the guy, he's too much of an angel.

"I'm okay with that." Heh, pushing Ms. Mary's buttons is always fun, Tony laughed louder.

I heard her sigh loudly, _hehehe I win_.

"Okay, jeez, I'll open the door!" I said with mock horror

"Finally!" she said, before proceeding to scold Tony for loosing breath from all he's laughing.

"I love you too!" I said mockingly while I was going to open the door after hearing Ms. Mary grunt. I left the door half open and looked up. Erwin's here, He looked at me and waved his hand smiling.

I opened the door fully and shouted "Ms. Mary, Mr. Thick Eyebrows is here!" as loud as I can, knowing full well that said man was just right there looking at me. A sigh was heard behind me and I turned and gave the man a genuinely happy grin.

Again, I really liked Erwin back in my past life. There's no way I could hate the real life one.

"Hi Uncle Erwin, how's life?" I said in the most innocent way possible, Erwin gave me an exasperated smile before crouching down and patting my black hair softly, making me pout. As much as i hate it when he does that - it reminds me too much of my actual height - I'm not that impolite to nice guys like him. but before the commander could give his greeting, a voice rang through the hallway, followed by the only other adult in the house.

"What are you talking about you-," she stopped when she looked at Erwin.

"Hello, Mary," The Blondie said in the most refined way possible.

"Ah, good day to you, Erwin," Miss Mary said with a casual smile "A little early for visiting hours, isn't it?" Erwin gave her a nod and stood up, easily towering over the woman and despite that, Mary didn't look all that scared.

I wonder how they know each other? Maybe I'll ask one day

"As you know, actual timetables that include break are rare in the Survey corps, so I do what I can when i can do it," He said with a crisp voice before looking down once again to me, through the lighting at the moment made him look real creepy from my perspective, I really couldn't find myself to freak out and cry like the older children.

Erwin really is a nice guy, nice enough to let others die for others, that is.

That's why he doesn't need anymore people crying in front of him, and why I promised myself that I never will cry in front of him.

Erwin gave a chuckle "You get cuter and cuter every time I come visit you" he said plainly. I felt my eye twitch for a few seconds before letting my childish tenancies get the best of me. Because really, I'm not _cute. _Awesome, maybe, _magnificent, _better. But I will _not _let anyone use that insult on me dammit!

"If you count how the kid got fatter, then yeah, cute," Miss Mary said, and the twitch only grew.

"I'm not cute, I'm evil, fear me. I'll bite your fingers off!" He tried petting me when I _actually_ tried biting his fingers. Told ya so!

"...You knew she would do that, right?" Miss Mary sighed, Not at all surprised or angered by my actions. Guess she's used to my shenanigans already.

"Well you certainly have a strong jaw," This time it was Erwin, who looked down on his fingers and at the small bite bark.

Ms. Mary sighed again - It's a habit of her's, that, and laughing at random moments- and stopped looking at me to face Erwin "Erwin, would you like some tea?" She said, smiling at our blonde visitor. The Commander smiled.

"Tea? I didn't know you can by the necessary ingredients here." He said, surprisingly, but he was still smiling. Then it appeared, Miss Mary's signature grin. She always has that grin whenever she's thinking of something that wasn't considered normal or at least, legal.

The last time she had that grin, she stole my dog whistle to get the dogs to chase this random guy with papers away.

...

...She gave it back to me though.

"Oh, I have my ways," She hummed. And I felt sweat drip from my brow to my cheek.

_Dang, that Mary chick sure is mysterious for a brown-haired blue-eyed caretaker_

And usually, their the most normal characters in an anime. add that with the fact that she knew the commander of the survey corps to a personal degree, she probably has a whole back story just for her.

_People like her force me to remember that this is as much as a world as my own...and not just my favorite show_

"Hisa, be a good girl and please go make tea." She said gently smiling with that coy smile of hers.

_To hell with you, make your own tea_

I sighed and obediently preceded to the kitchen, hey I can be obedient in my past life as well.

_Sometimes_

...Oh right, you guys didn't know I was a girl now, didn't you?

I wish i wasn't either.

Let me catch you up on what happened. I discovered this fact about a few months after Erwin brought me here. Since almost everyone was speaking in German, I brought it upon myself to at least learn the language to pass time using the words Miss Mary coos to me. It's then when I learned some German words like _'you'_ and _'are'_ and _'the'_ and _'most'_ and _'prettiest'_ and _'girl'_ and _'I'_ and _'ever'_ and _'saw'_ and etc.

Then it kinda clicked when put it together.

I tried to make a _'what the fuck are you talking about'_ sound when Ms. Mary said that me. Then, when i was finally old enough to move my arms properly (Because fuck it, i may not have been the beefiest guy in my past life, but even i had enough muscle to lift my arms!) I finally had the ability to look down and when I did, I screamed.

...Yeah...There goes the family jewels...

You have no idea how I felt, my sisters would talked to me about their experiences as girls to torture me out of their room. Fuck Titans, I have the horrors of _periods_ and _emotions_ and worst of all I had to love a _BOY!_ Yeah, In my former life I was straight, but I was alright with having friends who were gays and/or lesbians in my former life too, but i was still s_traight!_ So this is a big deal to me! At least I don't need to go through all that shit about _'being the man in the house'_ or_ 'you carry the family name' _anymore. God, I hated those talks._  
_

But now I have to live with the fact that i can _freakin' _give birth now. God no, i don't know what was worse anymore.

I heard the whistle of the pot signaling the boiling water was hot enough and grabbed the handle with my too-big-for-me mittens. Then I took those weird leaf thingies that makes tea from the bottom shelf. Then an apple, shaved its skin off, and dropped both in the pot mixing it. When I first did this for them, they said in a surprised manner "When did you learn to make apple tea?" Ms. Mary had asked and I just said I was just experimenting, in reality though I learned it from an Anime series were this tall cat person was making it.

Nyanta-sensei people, teaching even in alternate worlds.

When the glass pot's contents changed color, I poured the apple tea into three cups. Ms. Mary only said two but I wanted some apple tea, I was fond of tea in my past life but all I tasted was Jasmine, and it only tasted like hot water, I had changed my mind when I made my mom's tea in my pat youth and sipped it.

Oh heaven, take me know, that was _life changing_

Deciding that the tea was ready I shouted "Yo, old people! You're tea is ready!" and waited for five whole minutes before proceeding to the living room only to find them chatting, but Ms. Mary looked distressed, and Erwin had his trademark poker face. I was afraid to interrupt, but hey, tea can't wait.

I felt like an ass afterwards though.

"If you don't want you're tea you made me make, I'm drinking them." I said sounding threatening, but the tense atmosphere surrounding them just drowned it all out. They did not listen, they just continued their conversation. I continued to annoy them until Ms. Mary said something, finally breaking their conversation.

"Hisako, be quiet!"

"But yo-"

"I said 'be quiet', didn't I?" she said, almost raising her voice the verge of shouting. She had tears in her eyes.

"A-are you okay?" I said, stuttering and worried for her well being.

Shit, i feel like such an ass right now. I'm so stupid.

"Just go set the tea in the coffee table…" she said, her voice weak and her eyes red from crying. I bit my lip at the sight. miss Mary always seemed so strong to me when i was growing up, doing things no average parent would do, fighting with adults over things no normal person would fight for, and just laughing off all the insults the neighbors would throw at us for out estrange lifestyle. But me and the others here knew that this was only a part of her personality, it wasn't a facade, but just the part she would let us see.

And at the moment, I was catching a glimpse of the side she didn't want us to see. The broken side. The side that just screamed for someone to repair it, but also screamed at anyone trying to help.

It was scary, It was honest to god scary to see.

And then Miss Mary began to laugh, and that side of her was slowly melting away.

_But not enough for me to forget it  
_

"Haha, set it down on the coffee table, Hisa" She said, and i relaxed at the use of my nickname "And scram for a while, this ain't a conversation that anyone else should be hearing,"

"Okay…" I said softly. looking back and forth between the now 'emotionally stable' Mary to the stoic but guilty look on Erwin's face before leaving the room and closing the door with a click.

I swear, what did Erwin do to her?

...Stupid drama, okay Hisako, just don't get involved too much…

_ …You know they're just going to die in a few years…_

Screw it, I'll just get my tea and be done with this crap. Miss Mary did say I could scram anyways.

I got my tea and left through the back on going for a leisurely nice stroll before sundown. While i was walking, I would stop for a few seconds when a few people who recognize me came up to say Hi. Through half of the people who recognized me seemed to flinch and mutter, hiding their wealth; I grinned at this.

Hey, don't judge. I don't steal, i mooch, there's a difference. A pretty small one, yes, but a difference nonetheless.

I passed by the local dashboard and looked up on pure whim, it was like the news but since T.V hasn't been invented yet, they resulted into these bulletin things with the latest news, I only checked the date, apparently it was year 839. I was born in 836, according to Ms. Mary when i asked how old i was - Imagine my surprise when i found I was only three years old, damn, am i prodigious?- that means I only have six more years until wall Maria gets destroyed.

…Should I…Worry about this?

_Especially _since I lived on Shinganshina?

…

...Meh, let me relax just for a few minutes. My day was a complete disaster after all, cleaning the floors, cleaning horse shit, getting scolded by a lady who was crying, Oh, and i think i broke a nail, now _that_ was fun. Let me panic when I get there, I'm a fucking _three-year-old_ for fuck's sake, I don't need this life-or-death knowledge about this world. Let me panic some other day and let me relax.

_Let me wait for my inevitable death_

And with that notion I sipped my tea and let out a sound of contentment.

Speaking of Shinganshina, I always thought of visiting Eren and his friends, just for curiosity. But I can't visit them due to a lot of complications. One: I don't know where there house is located. Two: even if I know where their house was, they don't who I am and they will take me for a complete weirdo. And three: I don't want to get involved in the drama, really. I was content on who I was- a stereo-typical side character who was content in living life within the cages known as Maria, Rose, and Jina.

_Because that's the only thing side characters like me can do, Go with the flow, become the shadow, live a quiet life without anyone knowing your story. Because their not the main character.  
_

_The main character always has his entire life ahead of him, a destiny, a life worth living. The main character almost always has a happy ending._

_I...I'm just a support character. My life, my destiny, my ending...can only be as happy as I can make it..._

And this time..._this time. _I'm living that life with everything I've got.

I breathed out a sigh and closed my eyes as I drank my tea and continued to walk. That is, until I bumped on to something and heard a gasp.

"Child, be more careful, you might've desecrated the wall with your tea!" A voice said from afar.

I opened my eyes to find a big gray wall in front of me; _oh, I'm at the end of town _I thought with a frown, that was pretty far given I stared at the middle of the town. At least my tea is safe. I turned around to be greeted by a man with weird clothes holding a book. _Oh, just my luck, a stupid Wallist_. I recognized his face, he was that guy who was preaching and got eaten by a Titan at the fall in the first episode.

He looked at me with utmost concern

Oh wait, he wasn't looking at me; he was looking at the wall

His eyes caught my hand that was leaning on it and gasped like a woman

"Child, you have touched the walls, how dare you defy Maria, after all she has done to you!" he said pointing with little bit of distress. I felt a tick appear on my forehead, let it be known that i was never the most religious person in my past life. So this guy's proclamations that made it sound like the wall was some kind of God irked me more than I'd like to admit.

I say again, I'm the most religious person, no. But I was catholic, dammit! I believe in an actual god almighty! Not some wall that was made of titans!

"What are you talking about, How have I_ desecrated_ the wall?" I asked shouting

God. Worse. Day. Ever. i had enough of this! Let the ranting begin!

"And how those one 'desecrate' the walls anyway?! it's _fucking wall_ that stretches higher than any of the building here dammit! It's tougher than that!" I continued angrily. The man glared down at me, clutching his book as if he really wanted to smack me with it.

"You are impure, child! Do you not understand?! You have done a grievous crime!" He shouted, and I shouted back. Screw age, I am not going to be talked down by some _Wallist_.

"And what crime was that!?" God, I think a crowd is piling up.

He opened his book that he was holding in his left hand and began to read a verse or something out loud. I growled at this, but said nothing.

_Nobody has time for this crap!_

These Wallists were so full of themselves! I hated how they used God's name and how they just ASSUME that by prayers, the walls grow stronger; I had a lot of problems with them. It was a weird notion, walls _magically_ descending from the sky with working gates and shit.

(In the back of my mind, i knew that it was only logical that something like this would happen. My sister once told me that the reason religion existed in the first place was because people wanted to believe that there was a reason for every blessing and misfortune which falls on them, and that they could change it if they praise the one they angered. With everything, including religion, forgotten from this world, humanity needed something to believe in, and the wall became their answer.)

I continued sipping my tea with a blank stare at the man who was reading his book with one hand, with every word his voice grew louder and more dramatic, with every syllable I grew impatient, and with one sentence I had an idea.

I grinned

"Hey, old man!"

"I am not old!" he said. Wow, he actually stopped, and I thought I needed to shout a couple of times. I sipped my tea before I raised my cup. The old man saw this, his eyes growing wider. "Impudent brat, what are you…" I tilted my head with a mischievous stare, I probably had a Cheshire grin on my face, 'cause I felt great, actually felt true happiness, playing pranks on people I didn't know, I never did in my old life but I always wanted to and now I did! And it was the best feeling ever!

I feel like such brat now though, not the kind of person my parents raised me to become. And i don;t know what to think about it.

After a few seconds he finally caught on in what I was about to do.

"No, you wouldn't _dare_!" oh, he said it!

"_Would I?_" and I did, splashed some tea on the wall with that, and I rubbed my palm at the wall. With each stroke, his eyes looked at what I was doing, I loved that surprised look he had, like I said to Erwin, I was evil, he didn't believe me but _I am evil_, well; now at least. I continued rubbing it with the grin on my face.

i am such an ass to people i hate.

I also have no self preservation whatsoever either, but hey, dying does that to you.

"Stop!" he finally screamed, calling out with resentment in his eyes

"Make me!" I said, sticking my tongue out. Hey, I'm 3 now, not 13; I'm qualified to act immature if I wanted to.

Then he snapped, He ran towards me dropping the book with a loud _thud_. Adrenaline kicked in and I did what any self-respecting, tea-loving three-year-old would do. I splashed my smokin' hot tea at his face. Okay, it wasn't a lot nor was it smoking and too hot to scald his face, It just made him step back, held his face and screamed.

Dude, seriously, cut the act. Your scream is worse than the kids at the orphanage

And the tea's not that hot!

I ran right through him. Who knew Wallists were so materialistic about the walls?

Well, everyone knew which is why I touched it.

_Ahh, little devious me_

I ran as fast as I could and I heard the man chasing after me

"Come back here, you brat!" he said, growling with his arms reaching out for me, wow, that was quick recovery time, probably realized that the tea was not that hot.

_That diva_

I yelped because I bumped into someone.

"Ouch, sorr-"I opened my eyes and gasped, holy shit was that Eren? Sure enough he had thesame eyes and hair style as the guy in the anime, plus he looked to be the correct age too.

Fuck, I just ran over the fucking main character, didn't I?!

"Hey, watch where you're going, punk" He said rubbing his head. I reached to touch my own when a voice broke through my own dazed reaction to meeting _the _main character.

"You brat! I'm gonna have your head once I'm through with you!" I flinched, god, he actually sounds murderous. I clicked my tongue and ran, leaving the soon to be avenger in the dust.

Out of pure curiosity, however, i glanced back for a moment to get a glimpse of him. He was still looking at me in confusion with his lips saying something like 'wait'. I heard a growl, Eren looked back and the man passed through him, that last thing I saw before looking forward was Eren proceeding to an alley casually.

I wonder if this would be the last time i see him. It's kinda interesting for me to meet the main character after all.

"Somebody catch that girl!" He said while I pushed through crowds. I let out a grunt when i realized i was slowing doen due to my body still being three years old.

Dammit, my parents were right, this is what I get for being an ass.

I continued to run frantically, pushing through the crowds in desperation, hoping to catch a glimpse of that oh so familiar red brick building and my oh so needed sanctuary from crazy religious book readers. Why the hell is it talking so long to get there anyways?! Am i running in the wrong direction again?! I swear these roads make it look like your going straight when in actually your going at the edge of town!

just as i was about to give up and collapse right there and then, a familiar building came upon me.

Fuck yes! I made it to the orphanage!s

I was about to run straight to the door (Then upstairs, then to my room, then under my bed like the three year old I was) when the door opened, my eyes widened, I tried to stop and bumped into two thick pillars.

OW! FUCKING HELL! THAT HURTS!

My body must be bruised from all this bumping into people nonsense; I hope this doesn't become a regular thing. I really hope so.

I looked up and I saw Erwin's face with concern, he was about to reach my hand when someone shouted and cause his hand to pause.

"Hey you!" A man said, his voice had _exhaustion _written all over it. had i been in the right state of mind, i would have laughed at the sheer exhaustion on his face when he was only chasing a _three year old._

But i wasn't and i was flickering out fast.

I stayed down from where I was. My legs were sore, my head and body was bruised from bumping into shit and I was hyper-ventilating like a mad man.

The world slowly turned black as I felt my consciousness fade

* * *

I woke up to my room with Ms. Mary wiping my face with a blanket.

"Oh you came to." She said casually, as if she was talking about the weather. Which she doesn't really, so the use of it was invalid. Not that i care at the moment.

I rubbed my eyes.

"What happened?" I said, I yawned at the 'what'. Miss Mary smiled and patted my head reassuringly.

"From what Erwin told me, After you collapsed, the angry Wallist tried getting you for unknown reasons and Erwin was defending you, he even talked to the man about chasing a 3-year-old child just because she touched the wall." She said looking at the distance with her voice tinged with laughter. I blinked when i saw _my _dog whistle in her breast pocket, and wondered if there was more to the story than what she was letting on.

Then maybe it would explain why I had a dream of Miss Mary laughing and Erwin just being silent as the Wallist was being chased away by a pack of dogs.

"_But_…" She said looked at me and smiled gently, her brown hair in my mouth and her blue eyes made a wink when she spoke

"Did you really have to throw you're tea at him?" She said before let go a fit of laughter. Good old Miss Mary always knows when to laugh. I raised my blanket to my nose to cover up my blush before nodding slowly.

She chuckled.

"It's okay, I hate Wallists, too" she said smiling at me. I grinned at this, my shoulders relaxing from the tense position i didn't even realize i was in.

Hooray, someone I can finally relate too!

"Although…"she said, she was grinning, but it was her mischievous grin this time. And i felt myself pale at the sight.

"...Although…?"

"You still have to be punished" She said, still giving her trademark devil grin

_Sadist_

"I am _not_ doing the windows, or the walls!" I said, now sitting up and screaming. I flinched when my head began to throb and Miss Mary had to lay me back down again, but her grin just wouldn't disappear.

"No, no. Not chores…" she said in a sing song voice, letting it linger in the air for a while.

"Then what are you going to make me do?" I replied with curiosity. She put her index finger, thinking of a suitable punishment, before giving a hum and clapping her hands like a child.

"I know!" she said grinning

"W-what?" I asked fearfully, i wish i hadn't

"No tea for a week" she said, giving of an angelic smile.

Fuck

* * *

**...And it is done**

**Them Zelda quotes...hehehe (even though I never played the game before)**

**Oh, and my two friends who supported my while making this fanfic...Hi!**

**And to my sister, whom I love _sooo_ much**

***Que head hitting***

**...OW!**

**Please review 'cause it gives me inspiration!**


	2. Chapter 2

**HOLD UP! Before you guys or girls read this, this is my first fanfic, so easy on the insults, please, but constructive criticism would be nice. Also, let it be known that this is a self insert OC fanfic. If this is not your type of fanfic then turn left and go away…or read it and fall in love with it…your choice.**

**In my justification, I actually posted ANOTHER chapter two but the content of that was...to early for this story, I mean really, the people who read it would agree so I changed it.**

**It's pretty short, like, 3000 plus words (to lazy to find the 'plus' sign)**

**Also, I am not sure if my sis beta-read it since i did not hear any complains from her when she was using the laptop so...yeah, don't blame me if you see grammar errors and spelling errors**

**EDIT: Nevermind, CH 3 is going to take longer than expected due to mishaps.**

**Disclaimer: Anyway, I don't own AoT/SnK yada-yada **

**go enjoy this compiled references know as chapter two.**

* * *

_"I used to have a two sisters, a mother, and a father,"_

_"Now I'm here, without any of them,"_

_"I don't have anything left anymore,"_

_"But...if there's something on the floor, I'd like to pick it up,"  
_

_"Then maybe then I'd actually have something to lose again,"_

* * *

"C'mon Ms. Mary, stop being so lazy," I said while gently kicking Ms. Mary from the floor.

I have no idea why Ms. Mary just suddenly collapsed while working and proceeded to sleep, lately, she stays up late so it must be from the lack of sleep. Kinda obvious 'cause she practically has eye bags under her eye bags, plus she's getting old people wrinkles, so that must be a bad sign. Normally, I would be concerned for her but she banned me from tea for a week, the nerve of that woman. So here I am kicking an old person so I won't clean drool on the floor.

"If you're gonna sleep, at least sleep on your bed, you're going to drool all over the floor." I continued kicking her in the shin gently.

"I don't drool," she muttered, slowly getting up from her nice and cozy spot on the floor.

"Sure you don't, and that wet spot in your chin is definitely _not_ drool," hehehe, sarcasm. But, hey, at least she doesn't snore…loudly.

"huh?" she touched her chin and then she flushed. That reaction made me chuckle, she looked angry for a second then yawned. Dang, her eyes look tired and under her eyes were worse; she has eye bags _under_ her eye bags. She looked pale to the bone.

"Er, Ms. Mary, I think you should go to bed. You look hideous." I suggested.

"Nononono…I need to cook lunch, wash the groceries, shop for laundry…" She rambled on; wobbling like a flag pole, leaning on a wooden chair her eyes looking everywhere except mine then covered he mouth to yawn.

Holy crap, I could smell her breath from here, ugh. It smells like wine.

Wait…what? Ms. Mary never drinks wine. Even if she's really stressed, this is kinda unnerving; I wonder what happened to her.

Dang, she better not vomit

"I'll cook lunch, you go to bed." I said while covering my nose while pushing her to the stairs.

If you guess a five-year-old can't make lunch 'cause she's too short to reach the stove, well your guess is right! When I said 'I'll cook lunch', it means I'm serving a potato sandwich.

"Rememmmmber, you have to cleaaaan the front porch, if you…," She inhaled "If you don't…I'll extend your tea ban…!" she said before she dropped unconscious, I yelped at the loud thud, she sure makes a lot of noise, even when she's just fainting

She snored loudly, groaned then a few seconds later, continued her drool river.

_She's going to be gorgeous when she wakes up, dry drool and all! _

Time to play drag the old lady to bed. I sighed and pulled her near the stairs. Curse this orphanage and the lack of a proper couch, maybe I can get the chairs into a straight line and haul her in there, no never mind, all the chairs in the living room has arm rests, well, fuck. Okay, the stairs, I hope she doesn't mind bumps on her forehead. I took a step on the stairs and pulled her on the first step on the stairs. Holy crap, she's heavy. I looked at the stairs then back to Ms. Mary.

I _really_ hope she doesn't mind bumps on her forehead, and why the hell do these stairs look longer!?

After a few hours, yes that's right _hours; _this lady took _hours_ to _just _make it _halfway_ the stairs, I heard a knock on the door.

"Come in, unless you're a robber, don't come in or I'll stab you senseless!" I said, in between breaths, I must be sweating like a pig. Wait, I can't stab a robber, or Ms. Mary will slide on the stairs and I have to start all over again!

"I don't think a robber would believe a five-year-old would stab them," A familiar feminine voice said while opening the door.

"What are you doing with Ms. Austerlitz, Hisako?"

Austerlitz? Oh, that must be Ms. Mary's surname. Now don't call me a bad child because, first of all, she is not my mother, just a mother figure, second, she doesn't like talking about herself cause she either changes the subject or says she has a headache. She is such a closed book like that.

"Petra, make yourself useful and help me carry Ms. Mary!" I said, my hand slipping because of sweat.

"Excuse me?" she said smiling at me.

"Petra-_sama_, there, how's that, Now help me, my grip is slipping." I have no idea how she learned Japanese honorifics, but she usually makes me say them to older people, she says my manners to old-people is inappropriate, unbelievable, right? Name one time I disrespected an old person!

…don't answer that

"Much better," She said, making her way to Ms. Mary

She grabbed her legs and we moved her to her room and made her lay on the bed. Looking at her forehead, I think I did a pretty good job lifting Ms. Mary solo style before Petra came in. See, her forehead only has two bumps; I thought it was going to be five or so, so you can't blame me for not trying hard, I'm a five-year-old girl for fuck's sake, what do you expect, Germany's youngest muscle-girl? . But it still won't be pretty when she gets up, now _that's_ a pretty sight.

I wiped the sweat of my forehead and sighed

"Thanks for the help, Petra-sama." I thanked her

Now that I got a good look at her, she did not have her uniform on, of course_, _what she _did _wear was a tightly fitted white polo shirt tucked in because of a belted white pants and boots, you know what, I think she just took off most of the straps for the 3DMG and her jacket, 'cause that's what it looks like to me.

"Were you in a hurry or to get here or something?" I asked her

She noticed my glance and then chuckled "You could say that, Captain Erwin said it was utmost importance to deliver something to a certain oriental in an orphanage," she rolled her eyes at the 'utmost importance' part "Believe me, I would never go out in public like _this_," she said looking down on her uniform and then sighed "Come on, let's go down stairs,"

Whenever Uncle Erwin is too busy, he usually sends someone to check up on us, I don't know _why_ he makes his soldiers visit a bunch of girls in an orphanage since they must be very busy killing titans or cleaning their HQ because of a certain clean-freak captain but hey, the thought of visiting us is still nice. Usually it's either this girl next to me or Gunther, but in rarely, he sends out _Levi _to check up on us, and let me tell you this, his visit was one of the most awkward visits I ever got in this new life, all quiet and shit, making me do _more_ chores than I have to, one time, Ms. Mary made me make tea for that douche of a captain and get this, he said my tea tasted like shit, _shit_! Can you believe that! That lousy little son of a-

You know what; forget I said anything about Mr. Shorty because I would rather be with Petra than Levi any day of the week.

We left Ms. Mary in the comfort of her own bed and closed the door gently, we then walked down stairs, I went to the kitchen and Petra sat on a chair.

"Do you want tea or something, lifting a thirty-year-old can be exhausting sometimes." I asked

"Sure, thanks, Hisako," Petra replied

After I made my signature apple tea, well I just ripped it off from an anime I was watching but, hey, tea is tea, I gave her a cup then I sat down the nearest chair and sipped on my own tea, she's asleep, she won't know I illegally drank tea, so all is well.

"I don't know what Captain was talking about, this tea is delicious." Petra said, wide eyed.

"Really now, you can't trust that Levi with tea judging skills, between you and me. He might have superior titan killing skills but his tea judging is way off," I replied in a matter of fact way. No one shall mock my tea brewing skills, _No one! OHohohohoho!_ I would be a great candidate for world domination, even better than that Adolf Hitler; I don't even need an army of a sort, just me and tea. World War Tea here I come! _OHohohohoho!_

But I digress.

"Now, now, Hisako, you really need to respect your elders more often. You could get in trouble with that mouth of yours." The blonde girl said, while sipping her tea and waving her index finger like an old woman correcting a one year old brat, I could almost see a grin from the corners of her mouth.

"So, why did Uncle Erwin make you visit us on a Monday, he never makes people visit us on a Monday." Crap, I think I need a refill on tea.

The reason why Uncle Erwin never visits us on a Monday is because of his job and all; he says that Monday to him is paper work day, so he can't visit due to papers. Just imagine Erwin in a business suit. _Ha! _That was off topic but I don't care. Even in this new world, everybody hates Mondays. I hate Mondays because it's cleaning the windows day for me, going outside and in again just to wipe off dirt and other gunk from out windows, if it was really hot inside and it was winter out, I could get a stroke or something, tedious work I disapprove.

"_Uncle _Erwin?" She snickered "That's new to my ears,"

"I just say it to tease him, to know how _old_ he is." I confessed "It was not give respect to my elders or something; it was just pure, kiddy tease. But he doesn't know that. So don't tell him." I tried to look threatening Petra just laughed it off. _Noooo! I'm evil fear me dammit!_

"Answer the question, lady, or I'll start calling you Auntie Petra." I threatened, now _that_ caught her attention, she stopped laughing instantly, and it's either because of the Auntie thing or the fact that she loves her youth. Hehehe, new blackmail material; in the old world, If you talk about your crush while I have internet, is the worst idea ever.

"Anyway," Petra coughed "Erwin told me to give you these," she produced out red ribbons from her pocket and was holding it to me.

I actually don't need it since, unlike most girls out there would jump for the chance, my hair was really nice and cooperative to me, I just need a few brushes of my hand and it's neat, so giving me hair accessories is like giving a two-handed sword to a guy with no hands. I don't care if that example is morbid; I'm just making a point. And I used to be dude and I'm still adjusting, this horrid dress is the only feminine thing I will ever wear. And I was _forced_ to wear it, which is saying a lot.

"Nah, I don't need ribbons, not being rude and all, I just really don't need them." I refused taking it.

"No, Erwin told me to insist on giving you these; he said that he doubts that you're a girl." She said looking amused at her words "I kinda agree with him, between you and me, if it was not for your dress and long hair, you could be easily mistaken as a guy."

My lips twitched and I slowly got the ribbons, I held them by the tip like how people would hold they're one-month old gym socks. Should I be insulted or complimented?

"B-but I used to be a guy…" I said under my breath, looking at them and pouted.

"You used to be a what?" Petra looked at me with a confused face

"Nothing, I said nothing, so, red ribbons, huh? I wonder how much it costs him, hehehe…" I awkwardly said, gently scratching my cheek.

She gave me one suspicious glance and then sipped her tea. Holy crap, that was close, I'm already a problem child like horse face, I do not want to be an _insane_ problem child, too much unwanted trouble and attention. I really need to be more secretive in this new life. I tried using my newly acquired ribbons and made a half assed pig-tail, Petra shook her head disapprovingly.

"That's not how you tie your hair, Hisako,"

"W-well how would you know? Your hair is so short that it can't make a ponytail!"

"No it isn't," Petra retorted; I puffed my cheeks up like the big baby I am.

Petra sighed and helped me tied my hair; naturally, she did better than my first attempt on decorating my hair. Learning how a girl becomes looks tougher than it looks, but what do you expect from a former thirteen year old guy. It's not my fault I got this reincarnated life as a girl; this was not in the contract! I should sue kami-sama!

*sigh* I should really get friends to get all weird instead of doing my daily inner ramblings.

I don't think I could be friends with Eren and Armin 'cause they'll probably remember me as 'the girl that bumped into me while running away from an angry old geezer' so that's not going to work for a good first impression, there is always Mikasa but that will be even more awkward, do I just run up to her and say 'Hey, I bumped your step-brother, so let's be friends!' but any person with a mind wouldn't do that, she'd kill you for just stubbing Eren on the toe. So, in short, I'll just be an old and alone with twenty five cats, hurray me I guess.

"Done yet?" I asked impatiently to Petra who is still _playing_ with my hair and ribbons

"…Almost," Petra replied quietly

"Hurry up will you, I still have to make me some potato sandwiches,"

"And…there, done!" Petra said, looking at her work and clapped her hands together and smiled

She tied my hair into pigtails just below my ears, resting on my shoulders. It feels weird having hair accessories when you spent thirteen years living without them but I guess I can manage, although I have a sudden urge to get the ribbons of my hair and brush my hair behind my shoulders again. I rubbed my neck to prevent doing the said urge. My eye twitched, shit, I really want to make my hair the way it was before, ugh, if this world had computers, I would probably go to certain social website and type '#reincarnationproblems'.

"Now you look like an actual girl!" Petra exclaimed still smiling

I rolled my eyes "Sure, whatever floats your boat," I muttered, Petra frowned and then sighed afterwards

"C'mon, I'll buy you lunch, that potato sandwich your thinking of making will probably make you throw up," She said, holding out her hand to me

"But, what about Ms. Mary, She still doesn't know you're here. She'll probably think I ran away or something," I questioned the blonde girl, nevertheless I help her hand.

"I'll work something out," Petra grinned and we went out the door.

* * *

My expectation of having lunch with Petra was slightly different then we were experiencing, the five slices watermelon, two apples, two and a half loaves of bread, and a two glasses of water, all were partially divided (hey, it's been a long time since I had watermelon, _okay_?) I expected; the judging glares and stares while we were walking I honestly did not expect. I think it was because of Petra's Survey Corps status and that half uniform was not helping one bit, the place she picked was the place where Eren was napping in episode one, the tree on the hill.

I was imitating Dracula and sucking my slice of watermelon with my canines to _extract_ the delicious juice when Petra sighed. I stopped for a split second and then gulped the juice down. Watermelons, take me to your leader, Mwahahaha!

…Oops, wrong reference.

"What's wrong, Auntie Petra?" I asked then bit my watermelon.

"Is that 'Auntie' of yours out of respect or are you making fun of me," she chuckled

"A little bit of both, and the _san_ is really getting old, really fast," I said in between bites, dang, I must be really hungry, I wonder If there was such thing as watermelon tea…I wonder If I can invent it, that would be cool though, I'd make ton of money and maybe get into Wall Sina without turning into those Military police brigade or whatever; In my pass life, I used to call them 'The Green Unicorn Soldiers' before I knew what their actual name was.

"Well…"

"..Well what?" aw, I ran out of watermelon, oh well, time to kil- I mean eat the apples, hehehe.

"It's just that I haven't really visited my father yet, all I've been doing is sending notes to him but I wonder how he is really," she looked down and smiled grimly as the thought of her father entered her mind, so close yet so far.

"Does he send you letters or something?" I asked

"He does, but my father is notorious for lying about how he really feels, like when mother died, he said he was fine but I see him crying late at night in his room…" At least her mother died of age or something, unlike some parents *cough* Carla *cough*.

…Oh yeah, I still haven't made a rescue plan for her yet…

Damn, stupid deadline, making this girl do all the dirty work with no help whatsoever.

I frowned and looked what was left from my lunch, half an apple and a partially drank glass of water. I feel like I'm forgetting something…something important, well not really important, just something I really need to do, something to do with tea…

…Crap! The front porch!

* * *

**80% of the sentences and paragraphs start with the letter 'I', I guarantee it.**

**...Did you also read the long paragraph?'cause I racked my brain on those .  
**

**I don't think CH 3 will take long since I already started it, but don't expect it to be uploaded in a week. Thank you for the reviews on this fanfic, thanks so much! **

**Your free to hate or love or not review at all (but please do) have a nice summer...or winter, wherever you live :P**

**Oh yeah, before I forget, those who read the really bad CH 2, don't spoil the people who did not read it...'cause it's that bad...yeah**


	3. Side Story: Marilynn

**Hello readers! This isn't really Devin as he wasn't the one who wrote this chapter but to those who don't really know that this was a Co-op fanfic, I'm Ashia! Devin asked me to write a short a short story concerning the caretaker of Hisako and I decided to add a bunch of stuff that's going to appear in future chapters on it to let people know that, yes, this fanfic has an actual plot-line. **

**If you think about it like that, Hisako is Devin's OC while Marilynn is mine!**

**Through I'm not quite sure that it could still be considered Humor/ Adventure if we let this chapter mold future chapters, with Devin doing the fourth chapter, it should still have an ample amount of humor, just be warned that ****Things can still get darker**** and I'm not afraid in putting everyone in a red shirt just to move the plot to that direction.**

**But Devin is, that's why this is Humor**

**Oh well**

**WARNING! : This side story is particularly darker than the other chapters combined. Those who aren't into angst could skip it but I must encourage everyone to read and review it, or just plain read it, since it does still hold important information concerning things that will reappear in future chapters.**

**DISCLAIMER! : Neither writers of this fanfic own any part of the official SNK franchise, but we do lay claim to our OC characters: Hisako and Marilynn.**

* * *

**[Insert Death Scene Here]**

**~Side Story~**

**Marilynn**

* * *

"_I remembered hearing someone from the past mutter to himself,"_

"'_I just want to die' He moaned, and his friends snickered at him,"_

"_I wonder how many people in this world muttered the same thing."_

"_I want to die,"_

"_Can't I just die right here?"_

"_God, kill me now,"_

"_That's rather cruel coming from people who have the luxury to say that to the ones who what them to live,"_

"_That's rather cruel coming from people who have the luxury of still being alive,"_

"_They say their just joking, but why would they make that a joke?"_

"_Why would they throw death around like it's some joke to them?"_

"_**Why can't they just admit that they want to live?"**_

* * *

_**Keep running, don't stop**_

_She heard her mother scream, her comforting voice squawking hoarsely in pain and fright._

_**Keep running, or you'll be caught**_

_She heard her father's voice, shaking and screaming and crying that they did nothing wrong, so why are you doing this? And they just won't listen and father just kept screaming and mother started crying._

_**Keep running, or bad things will happen**_

_She heard her siblings screaming for help and they were screaming for her and they were so scared and she wanted to go back to comfort them. But she didn't want to run across those scary men again and they would obviously get angry when they find one of their own covered in red blood down in the cellar underneath her father's prized wine collection. But they weren't prized anymore because the bottles broke and the wine spilled all over the man along with pieces of the bottles and it looked so scary-_

_**Keep running-**_

_Loud noises were heard and she froze because she couldn't hear her siblings anymore and it doesn't make sense because that sound was scary and her sibling should be screaming because it was scary and __**they should be this quiet**__. Mother started screaming and Father roared in anger only for two more shots to fire and she started crying herself but kept running because she heard one of the scary men say her name and she didn't want to meet him like they did._

_**Keep running, or they will find you**_

_**Keep running, or they will catch you**_

_**Keep running, or they will kill you**_

_**Keep running**_

_**Keep running**_

_**Keep running**_

**Because that's the only thing you know how to do**

* * *

"Gak! This stuff is horrible! What kind of tongue did that fat ass of a pig have to consider this edible?!"

Mary grimaced before putting down the cup and the bottle with a _clank. _Her mood only getting worse when she realized that she spent 3 pieces of fucking gold for this piece of cra- no, _crap _should taste better than this pitiful excuse of wine! She should know. She spent half of her earnings on decent wine. And this was not decent!

Not that any of the other pieces of crap she bought were considered drinkable to her either.

Marilynn sighed

Whoever said Alcohol was the best thing ever was definitely in need of a mental hospital, because for all her drinking, Mary hated Alcohol.

Alcohol was never meant to be sweet. It was supposed to burn your tongue and force you to think of things aside from your own impending loneness. But to Mary's eternal puzzlement, she could never get drunk enough by such fire licking beverages to forget about her past. It did always leave a massive headache in its place when she finally turn's somber, why she ever continues this unsavory ritual was anyone's guess, even hers. Now cookies, that gets her attention.

Too bad she's in too much pain from her recent alcohol party to leave the bed Hisako had begrudgingly dragged her to with her Seven year old hands, Or at least, Hisako with Petra, poor kid would be crippled if she had to drag her up the stairs, prodigious or not. Think of all the money she'd have to spend!

At the thought of burning a hole in her wallet, Mary let out a shiver, it was a truly terrifying thought.

Giving in to her lethargic being, Mary closed her eyes as she lay down on the lumpy bed, if anything; Alcohol forced her to remember her past instead of forgetting it. The headache and heat she got from the liquor was all too similar to the ones she got while shooting at titans from the 'safety' of the wall with a cannon to aid the coming survey corps or when she would leave the wall itself to get everyone to safety. Had it really been only ten years already since she quit? It seemed longer.

"_I can't take it anymore Erwin! I'm not like you, if I have to carry another love one on my back only for him to become a corpse; I might just kill myself!"_

"_Mary…,"_

"…_I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. But I've had enough,"_

"…And here I thought being out of action would be stress relieving," she mumbled to herself as her ears automatically searched for any other source of sound aside from her own breathing. Just two years or so ago, the place was bustling with children. But all those children had all already grown up enough to join the cadets, leaving her alone with the recently given Hisako. That was the purpose of this orphanage after all, for orphans who wish to or have potential to become part of the military, whether it be with the Survey, the Police, or the Garrisons.

Hisako was a reluctant exception to this age old tradition though, as Erwin hadn't really known any other orphanages aside from the one run by her, his old comrade.

"_An orphanage?"_

"_Better than lazing around and doing nothing, right? I got all the papers approved by and signed, the higher ups thought it was a wonderful idea and wanted to spread the action to the other cities,"_

"…_But you..? Taking care of…children?"_

"_Are you implying something?"_

"_N-No, it's just that-,"_

"_Just that…?"_

"_It seemed more like something 'he' would do,"_

No sound, she was alone in the house. She turned her head and noticed the piece of paper at her bedside and recognized the polite woman's handwriting, it didn't take a genius to piece together the current location of her only charge.

Mary laughed, her voice echoing throughout the now silent household.

Now that was rare. Ever since that kid was brought here, the house had never been quiet before. At first it was because she would make a fuss by running around the halls when one of the older children steals something from her (it's almost always her tea canister) or when she tries out the moves Mary teaches the older children in preparation for their life as cadets as roundabout as possible.

"_Miss Mary! Hisako took all the rope again!"  
_

"_OI! SOMEBODY GET HER BEFORE SHE DOES SOMETHING STUPID AGAIN!"_

But now, even after all the children had gone and no new orphans were being placed, the one child orphanage still had that lively noise from the child's odd antics. It didn't help that Erwin and his two other subordinates, Levi and Petra, had unintentionally fueled the child into doing more outrageous things after they accidentally (not so accidentally for the boy named Levi) ridiculed her little muscles with every movement they did. Since then, Hisako had been doing the most dangerous of things just to get herself as fast as them.

Her reflexes were rather good if she had to admit.

"_This tea is shit-,"_

"_SAY THAT TO MY FACE YOU FREAKY OLD MAN!"_

"_What the-! GIVE ME BACK THOSE KITCHEN KNIVES!"_

Recently, she found the child actually planning on stealing one of the Garrison's 3D maneuver gear. When she caught her in the first stage of her plan and asked for a reason. She found that she was not shocked to find that Hisako just really just wanted to see how it worked and had gotten bored of the fact that no one actually used it in her vicinity.

She would become great in the Survey Corps if she wanted. Through something in Mary's mind told her that Hisako didn't really seem like the type to make an effort to do something outright suicidal.

Unless it was to get something she wanted

"Wonder what that kid will do in the future though," She said to herself, others thought her strange when she would suddenly talk to herself at random times but they don't understand. Silence was much worse and silence would mean you could hear every bad thing that was happening around you. And very few people wanted that "She just doesn't seem like the type to do something ordinary for the rest of her life,"

Right, because Hisako always seemed to stand out even when she's trying to be discreet. Maybe it's because of her features, maybe it's because of her personality, or maybe it's simply because she was so mature and so childish at the same time and she came up with the oddest things to talk about and one can't help but notice the odd mix of personalities in a seven to eight year old girl. It was as if she was already trying to find herself in the age where she could barely walk.

Only time will tell what path she will take

* * *

_The child watched as the bubbles began to form and rise above_

_**The people were whispering again, they were looking at her again. Grandma and Grandpa can't do anything about it either.**_

_One of the bubbles was large and was born with a tiny bubble right next to it; Mary concluded that it was a parent and a child_

_**The entire family was murdered, gun shots were heard and aren't guns supposed to be expensive? Only the military police has guns these days so how did the murderers get a hold of guns?**_

_The parent and child began to rise, the other bubbles slowly popping around it so naturally, so naturally._

_**The only survivor was a child who was found collapsed in front of her grandparents' house all bloody but it wasn't her blood and was she the one that killed the intruder down at the cellar? How horrible. How horrible.**_

_The larger bubble popped and it could have flown higher and why did it leave the little bubble alone? Now the tiny bubble was alone and it was fading, fading, fading. It doesn't have long before it pops as well._

_**I heard her family was bad mouthing the king**_

_**I heard her family had underground connections**_

_**I heard her family was caught fighting with the Military Police**_

_Mary stood up_

_**I heard the father released valuable information to keep them from getting his daughter**_

_**I heard that the reason they slaughtered the family was to get to the girl**_

_**I heard the daughter was actually working with the murders because she wanted the family wealth**_

_**I heard-**_

_**I heard-**_

_**I heard-**_

**If that's true, it would be better if the daughter just died, right?**

_Mary popped the tiny bubble_

* * *

"I wonder if I should burn these. I'm not allowed to sell them after all,"

She muttered to herself while carrying a fairy large and heavy box containing her old possessions as one of the Garrisons' squad leaders. It's been sitting there a corner of her closet untouched for ten years already, so naturally the box was covered in dust, though she was positive that none of these dust mites entered the box itself, so her possessions should be dust free to an extent.

Why was she bringing it out again? She honestly didn't know, Nostalgia perhaps?

Setting it on the wooden table and lightly wiping the outer area of the box to remove the dust, she opened it and found that, yes; her things were still free of dust and grime.

This is a good box

Putting the lid aside, she scoured through her belongings just to check if anything was missing (Through she highly doubted that happened, she just wanted to be sure) and found them all present and accounted for.

Marilynn smiled, that was a relief

Looking through it again, she allowed the wave of nostalgia encase her in its snaring embrace. There was her old uniform, consisting of her Garrisons jacket, white (Why is white? Who in the right mind had the great idea to make their pants white? Do they know how many hours it takes for her to scrub out the dirt that sticks on it?! And she was just in the Garrisons! Think of what the Survey Corps had to deal with!) pants, boots, bearings, and her favorite white polo which was given to her on her birthday and looked really small on her now. Then there was her broken 3D maneuver gear which she was able to smuggle out without anyone noticing just for the heck of it. To the side were her old water canister and its holder which she would strap on her left arm for easy access, with her old hair pins tucked snugly in the holder.

Then there was-

"_It's pretty,"_

"_I know right? My whole family pitched in to buy it for me before I entered the training camp,"_

"_Really? Then why are you giving it to me then?"_

"_Because! I want to give it to you!" _

Wilford's knife

"_Think of it as my heart then, if it's with you, I know it's safe,"_

Mary sighed and removed the knife from the box, disturbing the stillness that resided in it. It was small and flat, one could easily hide it in their person without anyone suspecting until the moment the blade reached their thought. The sheath was made of fine black leather with the trimmings and point of the sheath encased in what was proven to be gold, intricate designs melted into the heavenly metal with not an ounce of imperfection or wear from age. The hilt was gold plated with black leather coating part of the handle. Removing the blade from its home, she found her own eyes staring right back at her from the smooth yet deadly surface of the blade.

It was heavy

But it was a comfortable heaviness. It was like the heaviness of a hand placed above hers, like a chain that bound two people together, it was invisible, but it was heavy nonetheless.

Because now she had to carry the weight on her own.

_*knock* *knock* *knock*_

Mary jumped, startled, before berating herself for being startled.

Three knocks, its Erwin

She sighed again before slipping the blade back in its sheath and pocketing it out of pure habit. Erwin was most likely here to visit Hisako, he had grown rather attached to the odd girl and she knew how much Erwin cherished every moment of peace he spent with her, perhaps it was because of his own fears of how long he has to live. People like Hisako remind him of who he is fighting for and why every sacrifice he must make is not worthless. Marilynn honestly wanted him to adopt her already instead of doing this but Erwin would always refuse because he doesn't want to leave the child alone should he die and Mary could only think of how stupid he's being because she already told him that Hisako was practically self-efficient for her age and she only needed a house and money, which Erwin had aplenty.

Erwin was still reluctant, but Mary herself was only counting down the days until he finally gives in.

The child would be safer with him than with her after all, with what she does for a 'past time'

Readying herself in front of the door, she gave her best deadpan expression to the well-kept man outside the door and said "Hisako's not home,"

"I already knew that," He said with a smile, and at his former confidant raised brow, he explained "I was spotted by her and my subordinate while they were buying bread. I'm happy to know that she's wearing the ribbons, she looked too much like a boy for her age,"

The woman gave a hum of acknowledgment "So you're here to visit me eh? Last time things didn't turn out nicely," She said, the last time he visited specifically for her was when he reported the death of Ruomhildi Spiegelwald, a friend of theirs back in their days at the training camp. She had joined the Survey Corps with the vision of a world free of Titans, only for her to die without this dream becoming reality.

With her death came the cruel fact that right now, all of her friends and loved ones aside from Erwin had died by unnatural means. If ever Erwin dies, and that was much more likely than her death given his profession, the circle of deaths would come together as whole.

She reluctantly admits to crying that day, god, did that foul her mood for the week.

"I assure you that the matter isn't death related," He said with a frown "Although I admit that you will not like it either," The woman studied his face; then went lower towards his hands. He was holding sheets of paper with text on it; the official seal of approval was clearly seen with her observant eye.

Mary groaned

So they made Erwin, who they knew Mary would not harm, bring it in, huh?

"I was wondering when they'd shove that at my doorstep. Come in now. I'll make some tea for you," She said with a frown, all the while glaring murderously at the papers as if glaring at them would make them combust and cease to exist. Unfortunately, this does not happen and she could only deflate at the sight of the still intact papers. Erwin smiled but no joy was seen in his eyes.

The door shut with a click

* * *

_**Time kept ticking**_

"_No, WILL, don't you DARE GIVE UP, MOVE-,"_

"_Run!" He said and he looked like he was trying to reach out to her but he can't because they were too far apart and his legs are broken and __**she should be helping him out then.**_

_She started running_

_Keep running. Keep running_

_Those __**things **__appeared behind him and Will looked so terrified and he should be crying and screaming but he wasn't because he was yelling at __**her **__to keep running and she wanted to ignore him and go back but they ran out of fuel and __**she can't just leave him behind like this**_

"_Don't Stop! Keep running!" He shouted and the __**things **__noticed him and they were reaching out to him and Will was __**still **__telling her to run and telling her to live and telling her to not go back for because that was what she did and she was supposed to be good at it, but she wasn't and she was running back to the safety of the wall without the man she left the wall for._

_The gates began to open and she was so close, so close and WHY ISN'T HER SQUAD FIRING AT THE TITANS WHY AREN'T THEY OUT HERE REFILLING THEIR GEAR AND THEY SHOULD BE HELPING THEIR FALLEN COMRADES AND THEY CAN'T EVEN FIRE A CANNON AT THEM?!_

_Screaming came from the distance and Mary turned around_

_No_

_NoNoNoNONONONO!_

_There was blood on the titan's lips_

_There was no Will_

_No Will_

_**No Will**_

_**NO WILL**_

_Mary screamed. And she begged for time to stop and rewind and she wanted to deny everything that was happening because this can't be real, right?! This is all just a nightmare, right?!_

_**But time kept ticking**_

_And she could only cry_

* * *

The officials decided to close the orphanage

"So they finally made up their minds, eh?" She said as she sat down on the armchair across Erwin, putting down a tea set with two cups of tea already filled. Erwin grimaced, they had both known that the orphanage idea wouldn't last long, very few orphans had the motivation to joining the military, and even fewer were the decent ones that weren't already broken by starvation and the other cruelties of poverty. In the end, it merely became a 'waste of money' for the officials and it was only a matter of time before they put those words into paper.

"What will you and Hisako do from now on then?" Erwin asked the woman, a look of weary sadness on his face as he put down the papers and took a sip of the tea. Mary took a drop of her own tea before answering the man.

"Well, _I_ have to start looking for a job," She said with a smile. After the initial anger and disappointment, it was not hard for her to get back up on her feet. She'd had much worse circumstances to get over with.

At this, her smile widened, and Erwin visibly recoiled at the sight, knowing far too well that that particular smile did no good to him.

He braced for impact

"While _you _are adopting Hisako so she gets a home to live in,"

There it is.

"I'm sorry, but no," He said, deadpan "You know why," Mary deflated a little at the answer, but just as easily jumped back up.

"I'm being serious here, Eyebrows," Erwin visibly twitched at the mention of that childhood name of his "Legally speaking, I, who has no job and no home, do not fit the requirements to adopt a seven year old kid. Given to the fact that _I _was the one who took care of her, if she doesn't get adopted before they come to the house to kick us out, she's going to the shelter,"

At the mention of the shelter, Mary's lips tugged downward, Erwin saw this and understood completely. After her Grandparents died by questionable means, Mary was taken to the shelter as she had no other relatives who wanted to take her in. It was a 'special' orphanage for 'special' cases, once a child enters, they 'seem' to leave completely normal. That is, unless you account to having their memory manipulated as 'normal'. He himself has never seen the shelter before, but with what little Mary had reluctantly told him and a dear friend of theirs when the two cornered her, it was certainly not a place for Hisako.

"_You two better not tell ANYONE I escaped the shelter, YOU UNDERSTAND?!"_

"_Marily-,"_

"_It can't be that ba-,"_

"_They kill kids there Eyebrows! They kill kids there who are just annoying and DON'T BAT AND FUCKING EYE AT IT cause its part of their fucking JOB!"_

"_Wha-,"_

"_Just…promise me you don't say a word about it, okay?"_

"…I…see," He said, truly, neither of them wished for a child to go into such a place, let alone Hisako, he looked back up at the woman who was drinking tea to ease her bitter wrath from the mere mention of the place "Is there really no other way?"

"Nope," she said with a click "You're the only one I can trust to adopt her, Erwin. She already thinks of you as family anyways," A smile appeared on her face, her mood lightening up, most likely because this was the closest she was getting to adopting her.

"I…," He paused "Still do not think this is right, given my profession," After a beat of silence, he sighed "But if it will ease both of our minds concerning the child's safety, then I will agree to the adoption,"

A pause of silence, and then suddenly Marilynn jumped out of her chair with a cheer

Let it be known that Erwin was visibly surprised, he had forgotten how emotionally bipolar the woman in front of him can be

"Finally! Seven years of mind manipulation is a success!" She whooped, and Erwin sighed at the wrong choice of words "I knew you'd adopt her someday! but it took you so long!" She cheered louder "Let's sign those adoption papers!"

"Mary, you _know _why I don't want to adopt her," He started "My profession-,"

"Yeah, Yeah, you're afraid to leave her behind, right?" She said with a smile, and he was instantly reminded of the Marilynn that stood beside them when she should be at the walls, guiding and protecting the soldiers who wanted to return home. She was always at odds with the others with her 'reckless' behavior, but no Garrison, no Military Police, no Civilian, could understand the sheer respect those in the Survey Corps held for her because of her actions. Marilynn and her squad always guaranteed that at least 93% of the soldiers returning would meet their families again.

The Survey Corp once knew her as "The Guardian"

"Then just think of it like this," Brown hair fell on her face haphazardly "Now you have even more of a reason to stay alive, no?" Her smile has yet to dim, but it softened considerably "A dream will only get you is far without physical proof of why and who you're doing it for,"

Erwin felt like a child again, looking up at his mother and father who were telling him _"It's okay,"_

"This will only be temporary, understand?" He said, and Mary paused "Once you acquire a job, I will return her to you, and we can go our separate ways,"

Mary sighed "I knew you'd say that too," Turning towards the door, she began to walk out to get the adoption papers, only to stop for a few seconds and turn her head.

"But if that's the case, your 'temporary adoption' might as well be permanent, no?"

She left the room, leaving the commander of the Survey Corps to wonder just what she meant by that.

* * *

_**Keep running-**_

_**I heard-**_

_**No Will-**_

"_Hey, Hey! Old lady! Wake up would ya!?" A voice woke her up_

_Black hair and brown eyes_

"…_Whaaat? Did you wet your bed again? Do you need new pair of underwear, whaaat?" She groaned. The child growled when she patted her head. Hisako always hated it when people patted her head._

_The child's expression reddened in embarrassment and anger, and Mary allowed a coy smile to spread through her lips. Life is much easier once all the other kids left to become soldiers. She had more time for herself then._

"_T-That was years ago!" She said, her face still red "Years!" Mary only hummed_

"_Okaay, Okaay," She said, groaning as her bones cracked from the mere movement of her shoulders. She seemed to be in the dining room again, the sun was already up too. "So, what do you want?"_

"_There's a guy outside the house!" She chirped, and Mary's eyebrow perked up "He looks kinda official with that gun behind his back, should I let him in?"_

_Gun…It was a member of the Military Police_

"_Did that guy come with papers? Does he look like he leads other guys?" She asked, these were not questions you usually ask to a five year old, but Hisako has already proven to be far beyond her age in terms of intelligence. The girl shook her head._

"_Not from where I could see and he looked more like a well-dressed grunt more than anything," she smiled at the child's description; she doesn't like the military police either? Well at least they have something in common._

_But then a frown appeared on her face_

_No papers…so it's not about the closing of the orphanage…A military police, but not one of importance_

_She grimaced; he must be here to interrogate her, there on to her._

_Well, she's not letting them. Screw politics, if they sent a grunt, then they're not all serious about it yet._

_A smile appeared on her face again_

"_If that's the case~," She said with a sing song voice, and Hisako perked up immediately at the tone, knowing whatever Mary had in store was sure to give her some laughs' "Let's give'im the dogs!"_

"_Yes! Let me do it!" She said, practically jumping in excitement. With a nod of approval, she left the dining room, probably to get the dog whistle. Mary laughed, good thing most of the grunts are still part of the top ten, a few random dogs won't hurt them that much. But for people who live in the inner circle, it's enough to shoo them away._

_Now…_

_It's best to find a new hiding spot for her files before the Military picks up the gear_

_She smiled again, but it was noticeably strained_

"_They've been keeping me at my toes for long enough," She muttered to herself as she grabbed unto the papers as if they were more precious than the jewels from a king's crown "But they're not gonna stop me from finding out the truth,"_

_From afar, the dogs began to bark, the owner of a shrill voice began to run away from the street mutts. And Mary began to laugh_

"_Go my babies!" she heard Hisako cheer_

_Oh how she loved to laugh_

* * *

Mary began to laugh

She laughed and laughed and one would believe that she's gone crazy and maybe she has? Maybe she's gone crazy without realizing but she knew she wasn't crazy; she went to a doctor and everything. So why was she laughing?

Perhaps it was because she was finally able to get the bushy browed commander to adopt the child he threw in here in the first place? She's been encouraging him to adopt her because they were good for each other and Erwin needed more people outside the military to feel close to and he needed to have a more positive outlook of his life because if he didn't, he might go crazy from the sheer guilt he's shouldering and _she doesn't want him to die_.

No, that's not it

Perhaps it was because the letter that she had dreading and cursing has finally arrived and now she doesn't have to worry and become stressed because it's already here and it's already done? She knew it was only a matter of time before they cut of her money and the only reason they agreed to it in the first place was because it would keep her in place and they could monitor her movements then and Erwin doesn't know this and she doesn't want him to know this because he has so much in his mind already and that's why she wanted Hisako to ease his thoughts like she did with her.

No, that's not it either

Perhaps it was because now, Hisako has an actual parent figure to look up to and not some broken, messed up, scheming doll who might as well be on the Military's to-kill-list because of all the conspiracies she's unraveled while she was right under their noses? Now she doesn't have to worry about Hisako getting strapped into her problems and she's too young to have to go through what she did and the thought of the Military wanting Hisako dead too was frightening and _she doesn't want Hisako to die_. That's why she wanted her to get adopted so that Hisako would be out of the radar and Erwin will keep her safe and he won't let the Military get to her just because her previous caretaker was dabbling in the lost history and the numerous deeds the military has done to secure their place above everyone else and one of those deeds had been the massacre of her family after all and she knew that all of her previous students in the orphanage also died because she found their bodies being turned into fertilizer and she doesn't want Hisako to go though that.

No, that's not exactly right either.

They why? Why was she laughing? Or was she not laughing after all?

Is she crying?

Her cheeks were noticeably wet

…

Why were they wet?

She should be happy, she is happy, and she is _so close, so close _to the truth and just needed a bit more time but she was happy-

Drops of water fell on the adoption papers

Ah…she was crying, but why?

_**Keep running-**_

_**I heard-**_

_**No Will-**_

Ah, that's why.

She's grown attached to Hisako; she doesn't want her to leave. But she has to leave or else she'll be caught in her mess and she can't even stop anymore because the military would just _kill her _and _she doesn't want to die in front of her._

That's why she needs to be alone

That's why she can only cry

_They're going to leave me alone_

A few wipes with her sleeve later. And Marilynn was laughing again.

This time it was genuine

* * *

_Once upon a long, long, long time ago, a girl got separated from her siblings while playing outside_

_The girl, tired from all her running and crying, stumbled into a house and met a doctor_

_The doctor, upon seeing the child, gave her a glass of water and sat her down_

_After a while, the doctor asked the girl a question:_

"_Why do we live our lives?"_

_And with the honesty of a still pure and innocent child grateful for the blessing she was given, the girl answered:_

"_So that we have something to give away,"_

_The doctor smiled a sad smile and nodded, ushered her out the door and into the waiting arms of her mother and father_

_The child never saw the shop again_

* * *

**~END~**

* * *

**AND DONE!**

**How'd you like it? Like it? Hate it? Bash me for making you feel weird for a character? I'd rather you give large French fries instead as a reward for making this fanfic, but alas, virtual French fries cannot be eaten! *sobs uncontrollably***

…**ahem**

**Theatrics aside, I'm proud of how this chapter turned out. Marilynn is pretty much the most complex character I've created so far and I love how complex she is! When Devin gave me a vague back story and a big UTY (Up To You) slogan, i didn't expect I would write such an emotionally bipolar character that could still be considered normal in current society.**

**I **_**really **_**hope you liked her and her odd mind.**

**I'm not quite sure when Devin will be done with his chapter, but I don't think it should be that long, but if it is….then shit. That's his domain and I can't do anything about it.**

**He won't even let me revise the 1****st**** chapter! The 2****nd**** chapter, fine, it was rather good, but it's the first chapter that brings people in, right? So it obviously should be the best it could be right? Right?**

…**ah, I trailed off again. Oh well.**

**Anyways, please read and review, this is Devin's first fanfic and I really want people to help him get better in writing and lessen the amount of single-lined sentences.**


	4. Chapter 3

**ERMEGHERD CHEPTER FER!**

**So, sorry for the really long delay, In the whole summer vacation, I have not posted a single chapter AT ALL, so sorry for that. Please don't expect the next chapter to come out fast, exam week and stuff.**

**Also, this is a short chapter, and since the chapter before was depressingish, I made this super happy! Happy like Puella Magi Madoka Magica!**

**Anyway, I do not own any companies or anime mentioned in this fanfic, of course I don't own AoT/SnK.**

**Enjoy!**

**Oh ya, this is not beta-read, okay, now you can enjoy**

* * *

"_Life is but a fleeting moment, you can't grab onto it_

_But you can run with it."_

* * *

So, Ms. Mary woke up before we got to the orphanage, she was all panicky and stuff ; going left and right like a mad woman, she questioned were we went since we arrived late at night due to a bunch of guys trying to hit on Petra, those guys were from the village and then was stopped by some random garrisons guy who then hit on Petra when he saw her face, maybe they were drunk or something but Petra slapped them all and we walked away, they charged right after us and…let's just say you don't want to see Petra's rage mode, okay?

So anyway, Petra apologized to Ms. Mary because of staying out late, Ms. Mary extended my tea ban and I'm cleaning her room since she puked on her bed and somehow, reached the floor, she said she was sorry, I tried to guilt trip her and persuading her to lift my tea ban but she was all like, but did not exactly say, '_Naw, you crazy kid went out in this crazy world without my permission, so go do your chores and think about what you've done, BLEH!', _so that happened.

The puke, which I wiped off already, was really gross to touch, it felt so slimy to touch and when you try to wipe it off and it spreads, _ewww_; I can't get the vomit smell out of the room so I opened the window, there was a strong gust of air, I stood there for a moment and expected the room, it's been four years and the room still smells like it was vomited on by a woman on her period, I tried making the room smell like lemon yesterday by squeezing lemon on it, turns out it only made things worse, now I'm about to try vinegar but I fear it'll only make the smell worsen.

I went down the stairs to the kitchen to get vinegar, I saw Ms. Mary sewing something, which is weird 'cause for a caretaker you should know how to sew, right? Not in Ms. Mary's case, if you hand her a thread and needle all hell would break loose. One time, she was trying to sew a ripped blanket and the blanket got even more destroyed by Ms. Mary's sewing skills of disaster, I don't even _know_ how you could rip a blanket with a needle.

Well, that _was_ four years ago, she improved a little.

She looks like she's repairing a small, brown leather bag, surprisingly it looked like a decent repair, I would know since, in my past life, one of the subjects in our school made us learn how to sew.

"What are you sewing there, ?"

"I'm sewing the gift Petra gave to you when you were shopping." She said, stopping and looking at her work

"Wow, it didn't break or caught on fire, I'm impressed !" it looks _decent_ but I can see a few holes in the edges, and by the way, I meant what I said when it didn't catch on fire.

"Oh, c'mon I'm not _that_ bad, right?" she's fishing for complements, kinda obvious, really.

She stood up from her chair and gave the pouch, kinda heavy actually, I opened it and saw a lot of coins in it, I looked at Ms. Mary confusingly.

"Go to the town and go buy some watermelons, I heard from Petra you love those and frankly…" she inspected me for a brief moment "…that baby fat you have won't last long, you need some weight. You look like I haven't fed you in days."

Technically she did not feed me for three days since she was in a trance, so I had to make potato sandwiches for me. I'm glad she's okay but I won't miss her nagging. She shooed me out the door briefly and I went into the town.

…Wait…could a seven year old girl even lift a watermelon?

* * *

It turns out a seven year old girl _can_ lift a watermelon, but three is pushing just pushing it, I got the lightest watermelons on sale and they are _still _heavy. I can't even see where I'm going; right now I'm relying on muscle memory. Okay now, if I take a left turn over _here_ then I should be in front of the orphana-

"_Ow, watch where you're going you little shi-!" _Damn, this 'bump into Hisako' thing is getting really old, really fast. I fell on the floor letting go of my watermelons, one broke and the other one had a crack and the other one got stepped on by the person that bumped me, great, _just_ great.

"No! My watermelons_,_" I screamed, I looked at the person responsible, and guess who it was? Eren. _Fucking._ Yeager. And worst? He's not on the floor like me.

"Aren't you getting a little bit worked up? It's just a watermelon," He said calmly.

"Yeah, you should know since you're not the one who bought it! I spent good money on these!" I picked up one of the watermelons and examined if it could still be eaten, oh wait it can't, since it touched a friggin' douche-bag of a protagonist!

"Try lifting three watermelons in this body, why dontcha'?! Of all the people I could bump into, it had to be the suicidal bastard," I said quietly picking up the fallen watermelons

"What did you call me?!" He said, leaning towards me. Oh, he heard me, me and my big mo-

I regret nothing, Revenge for my watermelons!

…that sounds so wrong

"You heard me, soldier-boy!"

"'_Soldier boy?!_" he said,slowly raising his fist

"Gonna punch a girl? Never knew you were this low!" I said mockingly, poking his chest.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not this much of a spoiled brat but if it's Eren, that's where I cross the line, as a character he _is_ decent but as a person? Not so much, I mean really, even before the fall he was a douche bag. And what is with him and getting angry at Mikasa all the time? I mean really? Can't even take the friggin' loaf of bread.

"You say that like we met! And what gives you the right to mock me anyway?" Eren snarled. Just before I could give him a hurtful comeback about a certain horse face and his sexuality, a black haired girl wearing a pink dress and a long red scarf appeared.

"Eren, Ms. Jeager is calling us, she needs you to do something for her." She said, calmly putting her hand on his shoulder, signaling him to stop

Oh crap, not another main character, why did it have to be the over-protective sister.

"Buzz off Mikasa, can't you see I'm giving this girl a piece of my mind?" He said, not turning away

Welp, I guess the fun is over since Eren is in full-on douche mode. It was nice while it lasted…wait…Mikasa is here?

OH MY HOLY DORITOS WHAT YEAR IS THIS?! Crap, I knew being too laid back was gonna be a bad thing, I still haven't mentally and physically prepared myself, okay, I know where I will be when they attack, which is near the gate to the boat, I got the money to buy food and last me and Ms. Mary a few weeks until we need to get jobs, I know the excuse I'm going to make up to drag Ms. Mary along. Okay, now all I need is the cooperation of Ms. Mary and me being emotionally prepared.

I looked at Eren and Mikasa, still arguing,

"-But it's your turn to get the firewood Mikasa! Remember last time? I almost died!" Eren exclaimed, Mikasa sighed

"That's because you were carrying a year-load on your back." She said looking down, still reasoning with Eren and why he should do his duties more often.

Hmm, to continue this conversation or to walk away, In the end I chose the latter. I turned and walked away. Damn, I wonder what Ms. Mary is going to say when she hears I didn't get the watermelons. I think the truth is reasonable enough, so I'll just say a jackass bumped me and I got off balance. Walking away,I heard a voice from the distance.

"Hey wait! I'm not through with you yet!"

Oh crap, Eren!

I quickened my pace and took a short-cut to the alley way, there, I ran and turned left which took me to the hill, now if I turned right, it will only take me only about four-minutes to go to the orphanage, okay just keep on running. I don't want to be involved in this main-character shiz, I do not want to become plot-fodder in my own story. Ha! Now if I just open the gate.

Can't believe I'm running away from an argument.

I shut the gate and ran to the front door

"Ms. Mary I'm home, sorry I couldn't get your watermelons, some jack ass-"

My eyes widened and my whole body turned cold, I collapsed, still looking at this sight…this horrible sight, I lost it, I ran outside and puked in the garden, my acid burnt my tongue and it left a bad taste.

"…Hisako" I managed to hear from the outside, I took a deep breath and tried not to get teary eyed. I went back inside the orphanage.

Ms. Mary lay on the floor in a pool of blood, her head looking at the door, she was still barely breathing, I shakily go near her, upon close inspection, she had bullets in her knees.

"There you are, I've been waiting forever" she weakly laughed, I covered my mouth and sobbed. Why is this happening?

She reached out to me weakly, to prevent her from straining herself, I rushed to her, almost tripping. I kneeled before her. I looked at her face; her eyes were droopy and looked as if it was filled with content. She put her palm on my cheek, and whispered.

"…C'mon Hisako, you're better than that." She laughed then coughed blood. I gasped in shock and I my eyes started to burn and my cheeks turned wet. Ms. Mary wiped my tears away, instead of tears in my cheeks, it was her blood. She rolled sideways revealing a bloodied gold knife and papers covered in plastic. I put the items away and grasped her hand, its get colder every second. At this rate, she'll die from blood loss. Looking at her eyes, I don't think she wants the help. She won't cooperate anyway; I don't have any options left. I was about to tear a piece of my dress for a bandage but she stopped me. Her eyes losing color still had that piercing look.

"…Hisako, I'm sorry," Ms. Marilynn whispered softly "Erwin's adoption papers...he's going to adopt you, isn't that great?" she said weakly, trying her best to sound happy, she wanted to sound okay, but she isn't she would never be okay. I couldn't take it anymore, my tears burnt my cheeks, and hugged her, her skin was so soft, I wouldn't get to feel it anymore, she hugged me back, but it was weak. It was too weak.

"…These last few years with you was fun," she began "I'm sorry for leaving you so soon…it can't be helped." She weakly shrugged, laughing.

"Please, don't go…please don't leave me alone!" I managed to get the words out of my mouth; she frowned and she started to cry, she took a deep breath.

"I don't deserve to cry, I'm the one leaving you behind…"she said, wiping her tears away, it was in vain. Her tears were washing away her blood on her cheeks. I tightened my grip around her. Even when she's dying she's still thinking about me, she kissed my forehead.

"I know we didn't have much but…it was nice right? Were you happy having some cranky 'ol gal like me taking care of you?" She smiled weakly, stroking my hair with her soft, tender hands. My chest felt heavy and I had a lump in my throat. I would never see her again. She looked at me one last time, her eyes shining she smiled the intensity of life.

"Be good won't you…"

"…_**My Child**__"_

* * *

**See? It's as happy as Puella Magi Madoka Magica! Which is depressing as shiz. Speaking of, i've been obsessing about that anime for about...two years I think, can't tell. Anyway, planning to make a Madoka Magica Fanfic but maybe after the 10th chapter of IDSH, I already started drafting but whatevs.**

**I won't be updating in a long time I think since it's my sister's turn. So please review, critique and stuff! Please not that hurtful, keep it proffesional**

**And before I forget, that last review, sorry it took so long, you inspired me to make this chapter, so thank you!**

**and yes, there was a time skip**

**so, see ya in a few months maybe**

***he's watching you little girls /)(owo)(\**

***EDIT FROM 2016= okay so um…happy belated every single event that happened, my laptop broke and got a new one for Christmas but then projects and my dog died…so um ya**

**BUT**

**CONFIRMED CHAPTER 4 DATE AT VALENTINES**

**YAAAAY**

…**oh shiz**

…**I just remembered**

…**it's almost this fanfic's b-day**

…**and im still in chapter 4**

**I AM ASHAMED**

**Also save file in Undertale got destroyed, I blame Flowey.**

"**run into the mother fucking ****bullets**** friendliness pellets you faggot :))))))"**


	5. Chapter 4

**First of all, happy belated everything**

**Second, I am sorry for this mediocre ass chapter and um...**

**yeah**

**Happy belated everything**

**CREDIT**

**the valentines skit was done by my friend**

**The funeral skit was done by my sis for easter-egg and shameless advertising**

**I'm shameless, i'll do the next chapter on my own, already started a draft during math**

**I am a good student**

**IDSH is mine, Hisako is mine Mary used to be mine but she's dead so...**

**ye...**

**have fun i hope ;w;**

**SHINGEKI NO KYOJIN/ AoT is not mine**

* * *

"_Would you like tea with that?" a young black-haired girl holding up a hot kettle in her left-hand, rolling her eyes as the lady sitting on the wooden chair lift her teacup for more. A bet is a bet, even if the lady used her 'adultness' to her advantage. _

"_If you could touch Erwin's eye-brows before he leaves without me looking, I'll be your maid for the entire week, but if I catch you holding his eye-brows , which I will because I'm awesome like that, you will behave and be my maid for the entire week!" little did the black-haired girl know that she would fall for her trap, the lady made sure that the commander was in her sights all the time, from drinking tea, to playing with the child. She smiled mischievously but it that bet hid her true intentions, this would be the last week she would probably never see her again. Of course she was happy for her, new parent, new life, friends, but of course she would miss that girl with the combined energy of a thousand men rushing for free drinks. She turned to the child at mind, who was looking at her. The lady smiled and lipped the word 'times up kiddo'. The child looked at her with grief and panicked, Ms. Mary already knew what she was thinking._

_A white string has been cut._

_A new string lined up, scissors in between, waiting to snap shut._

"_Please let it end."_

_-IDSH-_

She never once thought that she was ever depressed, she always thought that depression was for the people who exaggerated a little bit too much on their own sadness. She knew depression was serious but she thought lightly of it. How it was portrayed on those cheesy soap operas. How the main girl always got depressed when the main guy dumped her, she always thought that was a little funny that real people would actually cry about the fact fictional characters dying. Sure it was a shame for some of her favorite characters to die, but that was it, a shame; nothing more, nothing less. But now it was something more. She was fond of that character, she loved that character, and she treated that character as her own mother. Now she's more than a character in her eyes, she's a living being.

And now she's dead

* * *

"_Yo, Mary I don't think you should touch that snake" before the warning hit her ears she grabbed the poor thing just below its head…I guess you could call it a neck but hey, its whole body looks like a neck. It flayed and trash in Ms. Mary's iron tight grip. She could really be scary at times_

"_What's wrong Hisa? You scared?" she grinned devilishly at the snake and then at me.  
_

"_Oh hell no"_

"_LANGUAGE!" she said, screaming at the terrified girl and flung the snake at her, she ran away screaming all the while Ms. Mary was laughing maniacally_

* * *

She smiled bitterly, fighting to hold back the tears, she moved from the said corpse, her ebony hair now stained with blood on the tips. She stood up and almost tripped, but who would blame her? The world was collapsing on her, even before, she knew it would hurt bad, she knew that this pain was the pain that she nurtured all through the years, she blamed everyone yet she blamed no one, '_maybe I should slash my wrist and be done with it_'

She laughed at the idea

She always thought suicide was for the weak, it's for the people who press the quit button at the first level. She was determined in her past life that she would never press that button. But things changed, There was not an emotional scarring thing that the girl could think of that could beat the throbbing pain in her chest she is feeling right now, she could not comprehend what is happening; watching from a screen was easy 'oh someone died, what a shame', she understood now that that someone felt something, he or she had feelings, he or she had memories that they hold dear to in the deepest part of their hearts.

They had life.

And that life was stolen.

* * *

_It was that time of the year again. Hisako thought that only titans and the shady government was the scariest thing ever since that wallist's hairdo. Well, she thought wrong._

_It was horrible. It was scary. It was..._

_Useless?_

_"Valentine's day...?" Hisako asked, casual interest picking up._

_"Ohoho! Yes, Valentine's day, it's almost near right? Oh! And by the way..." Ms. Mary went to sit on the couch, next to where she was seated. Hisako looked at her in confusion._

_"Who are you giving that crinkles you made yesterday, ah?~" She had a teasing smile on her face while she pulled out Hisako's stash of baked goodness from her skirt pocket._

_"My crinkles!" Hisako snatched the stash from Ms. Mary and inspected it. After a few moments, she got one and spoke between bites. "To be honest, I was planning to give it to you. Who else am I supposed to give that?"_

_And that was the truth. Initially a boy, she did not care for Valentine's day, but only the sweets that came with it. Speaking of which...While Hisako pondered over her thoughts, her mouth stuffed with Ms. Mary's supposed-to-be crinkles, Ms. Mary on the other hand didn't look like she was going to drop the subject that she had started that easily._

_"Well," Ms. Mary started, the smile not leaving her face. "How about Erwin?"_

_Hisako almost choked on her food. Erwin? Mr. Bushy brows? She might have been a boy before, but she has standards. And one of them is reasonable age difference._

_After she got through the initial shock, she gave Ms. Mary her best are-you-kidding? look. "Aw, nah." Ms. Mary however burst into a fit of laughter._

_"I was only asking who you would give crinkles to, why are you so defensive?" She reached for one of the crinkles, seeing that she has Hisako in her trap._

_Hisako then quickly grabbed the stash and stretched it out of Ms. Mary's reach. "Actually, I was going to give him some, but I changed my mind. His eyebrow game is too strong." She can tease her all she wants but Hisako will have the last laugh. And the last crinkle._

_Soon after, they continued to joke around._

_"Is it Levi then?"_

_"What?! THAT shorty!? Well 'cuse me-"_

_"Shorty? Do you think you're in position to say that?"_

_"Well, I am at the normal height for my age, unlike grumpy ass here. Plus, I have standards, with height requirement second to facial decor."_

_"Oh? A fiesty one I see." Ms. Mary then protuded a letter from the magic skirt pocket (seriously, how many things can she fit in there) and held it between her fingers. "Having a rebellious streak has always have been a natural charm. Like me."_

_Rebellious? Hisako looked at Ms. Mary, doubt displayed on her face for a fleeting moment. However, she just dismissed it. Probably an inside joke she won't ever get. Plus, the letter grasped her attention more._

_"A letter? From Erwin?" Hisako took the letter. "It better not be him urging me to go to school. I told him for the fifth time; I don't want to go to school. Sitting all day, wasting my time is my job, I don't need someone else to force me to do it."_

_Ms. Mary turned serious for a minute. "School isn't exactly the best insitution to teach new things. I would rather do the pratical work."_

_She was silent. Hisako did not know what to do, thinking she said something wrong. So she returned her attention to the letter._

_The words were barely legible. After rotating the letter and using her 13-year old boy vocabulary, she concluded that it was addressed to her._

_"Wha-?"_

_Feeling the smooth texture of the letter, she flipped it over, the seal revealing the purpose of the letter._

_"A love letter?!" Hisako said in disbelief. She could not believe that anyone would have had a crush on her. She *was* a boy. 'He' paid no heed to whatever shit teenage girls spewed about love. Usually._

_She didn't notice Ms. Mary already looking at her, that playful smile once again evident on her face. "So~?"_

_"Wait, woman-I mean, Ms. Mary. I'm about to read it geez."_

_The strange and ancient language of god-knows-what greeted her again. She groaned._

_"To the beautiful girl I saw years ago._

_The time has come to reveal myself. I cannot stand being away with you much longer! For I fear that someone will steal you away from me... Like that scary eyebrows man! Or... Or that intimidating dwarf that everyone seems to like. Oh! How fate is cruel to me. I cannot allow anyone to grow closer to you than I._

_Wait for me, my love, I shall come. I shall come when the clock strikes at 10. Do not fear, your prince will soon take his rightful princess. Like bees and flowers-I mean, like milk and cows-no, like mold and bread! We are the perfect match._

_Signed by,  
Your Future Husband~ 3 3"_

_Ms. Mary spoke first while Hisako was busy repeatedly facepalming. "Good luck on your date!~" She got up, smirking at her. "Don't do that to your face, Hisako, it'll ruin moldly bread charms." She then hurriedly got out of the door, with the excuse of getting groceries, narrowly avoiding Hisako's rage mode._

_"Damn it woman! Just as when I needed help." She glanced at the letter again and shuddered._

_"Why do I feel so insecure... And why do I think this secret admirer isn't actually going be the best conversation partner?" She muttered._

_Hisako put the letter down on the table. No, she won't be destroying it. Keeping it rather as a memento. 'Achievement Earned!'_

_Propping her legs up on the table, she considered her options. The clock read exactly 9:00 am. Plenty of time._

_She was planning on taking advantage of the opportunity, I mean, just smile and act cute then boom! You have free food. *free chocolate*_

_But alas, guilt almost always seems to find its way to Hisako's 14-year old teenage boy heart. No chocolates for Hisako._

_She glanced at the clock again... *What should I do?* The time read 9:02 am._

_Hisako stared at the clock, thinking through her options._

_She decided to have apple tea._

* * *

She awoke to arms around her body, _am I being carried_, her eyes were barely open and blurry. She heard voices, sad voices, angry voices, bored voices and they all shared on thing common. Mary Austerlitz is dead. She looked around; she was in the orphanage with dozens of people in uniforms, survey corps and garrisons. Her head ached and her throat was dry, she was too tired to move her body. She looked at the blurry face carrying her, a strong familiar chin. She felt safe and empty at the same time.

Drowsiness took over.

* * *

Leia wanted to laugh, and she tried so hard not to because it would be rude to the policemen in front of her, in front of her house.

They were saying that someone had killed her brother.

That was a lie of course, there was no such possibility of that happening to her brother. This was not the first time he was home alone, so he knew to lock the doors and bar the gates. Her brother, reckless as he might be, was not reckless enough to leave the front gate unattended for if ever he went out to buy a snack. Most of all, she found it highly unlikely that of all the murder weapons the killer had brought with him on his heist, wherein guns are the more efficient weapons to use, it was a butchers' knife. With all these in mind, the woman concluded that the policemen were batshit crazy and needed to tell her that everything they were saying was a joke.

Having a brother die at home while you're away…that just doesn't happen outside the movies.

But then her parents came and they were crying. They were wailing loudly at no person in particular, looking at everything with despair and denial. The sounds of the sirens blaring could not stop them from grieving for this tragedy.

The bag on Leia's shoulder fell to the ground; its contents – a notebook and a single wallet containing an only family photo they took when they went out – fell in disarray on the cold pavement.

She wanted to laugh

_This was a joke _she thought _this is all just an elaborate joke_

But instead, she cried.

_Someone tell me this is a joke_

* * *

People were coming and going from her house, her sanctuary.

(Could it really be called a sanctuary now that someone had died in it?)

They had positioned the coffin in front of the living room, its sallow wood shimmering under the holy light of a cross its lid draped in flowers of all kinds. Even for the woman's derailing mind, it was still a sight to behold.

Inside the coffin was her brother, dressed in white.

Leia had never seen her brother wear such formal, white attire before. They were not the richest of families, and the times when they were forcibly required to wear those gaudy dresses and suits were limited to some cousin's 16th or 18th birthday, and even then most of the family wore formal casual simply because anything else would feel unnatural for the family. As such, seeing her brother dressed in such a pristine white suit with his hair combed neatly to the side like a fine gentlemen was disturbing.

He didn't look like her brother at all.

Her brother was loud, and sarcastic, and was rude to his sisters. He hated grooming himself; mother always had to remind him to clip his toenails because he would never bother to look at them. His hair was always messy from waking up late and not bothering to comb his hair because he claimed that fingers did the trick. He was lazy, and sluggish, and looked nothing like the clean and refined boy lying inside the coffin. Perhaps it wasn't her brother?

A hand rested on her shoulder, and she looked up to see her older sister, wearing the same expression she had.

"Don't try to fool yourself," She said, and Leia wanted to laugh. Should that not be her line? After all, who was it that had refused to look at body because she could not handle the image of death and continued to deny until today? Who was it that still held on to the birthday gift she had bought in advance for the growing boy and even wrapped it neatly despite the receiver being already dead?

Leia smiled at her sister. It was a smile full of contempt and grief. Yet the smile was not directed at her, but at the sheen surface of the coffin, and the blurry image of a woman reflected on its surface.

"I would never do that," She said in a somber fashion, looking back at the boy in the coffin and smiling "It's just that the guy here looks nothing like our little Dev,"

The hair was too neat. The skin was too pale. The nails were too clean. The lips were too chapped. The eyelashes were too prominent. The body was too still, too clean, too holy, too dead to be their brother. This corpse in the coffin was beautiful, perfect even. But it was these perfections that had destroyed what made their brother recognizable to the siblings. It was these perfections that made the corpse look like nothing more than some doll being dressed and buried. It was not the brother they had lived their lives with.

That brother was gone. All that was left was this corpse and whatever scars it had inflicted on the family.

* * *

It was only at the funeral, however, did the realization of what was happening truly occur in Leia's mind.

_Her brother was dead_

The masses were suffocating. Draped in formal black and sitting on their plastic chairs in pity for the child wearing white. The children that were brought were fumbling on their seats, restless and irritated and would cry in boredom only to be shushed by their parent before they made a scene. The ones who were truly sympathetic of their parent's plight were nearest to the coffin and the family, silently comforting them and giving their condolence. Had the priest not been wearing white and chose to wear black on this dreary occasion, than the white coffin before them would have been the center of attention.

Not that it already wasn't.

_Her brother was dead_

It did not occur to the woman that she was still in denial. She had cried and raged and mourned her brother's death these past few days nonstop. She thought she had accepted her denial and accepted her grief, and when the somber image of her mother came into view, telling her that it was time, she had accepted her brother's death and thought that she was strong enough to move on.

But now, she realized that not once had she left the stage of denial. That even now, she still fervently wished that this was all some bad dream and that the body in that coffin was not her brother's.

"_Don't try to fool yourself,"_

So that was what her sister meant. In the end, it was her all along that had it worse.

Leia began to laugh, ignoring the looks the people were giving her. Uncaring of the way they were mocking her and insulting her for laughing at her brother's funeral. But they would never understand. They would never understand how fragile she was at the moment, how broken her voice really was. They would never understand that this was the only way she knew how to cope with this grief. For she had kept it inside for so long these past few days, unable to let it out.

Oh the horror, oh the morbid horror. She was laughing at her brother's funeral. May the God have mercy on her breaking mind, and may the tears that stream down her cheeks show the masses of how she truly feels about all this.

For there is no simple way to recognize the death of a love one, and there will never be a time when fools like her would heal from this trauma.

It does not even matter to her anymore that the person who had killed her brother was still out there. His death would not erase his, and Leia was never convoluted enough to believe that a soul can rest in peace at the death of another anyways.

It never mattered in the end, how her brother died. For it would never change the fact that he was gone.

* * *

**Sooo Erwin got Hisa at the end**

**The valentines day was the chapter i was suppose to post at the real posting day**

**and new cover**

**hurrah**

**I feel dead inside**


End file.
